I'm gonna include here some more of what I had written Kitti in an email as I recollected more of how I had gone about apologizing to my W.
Quote: Going back and recollecting when I bared my "soul" to CAW, not only did I apologized in detail, but I equally emphasize how much I wanted to thank her for the role she played my revelations. As embarrassing as it will always be to admit, but I don't believe that my eyes would have opened any other way than her giving me the good a$$-kicking she gave me by dropping the bomb. So while I started by apologizing that I was so thick-skull that she had to take it so far before I see I needed to make some changes, I ended on the note that no matter what becomes of us and as painful a hurt I'd never before experienced, I will always be thankful her to for opening my eyes and for the a$$-kicking that allowed me to change my life.
By expressing your wish in thanking them, its also a way to show them you are on the road of forgiveness - of yourself and of them too. It also provides them with a sense of the real direction you are looking to take in the future. It helps balance dredging up the past in order to apologize on your behalf with a brighter future that you believe will come from all that has happened.
Also consider adding now that you have learned these things about yourself and that from now on your not gonna fall into the same traps, but will look to handle similar senarios in the future differently. Maybe even spell out an example or two, so he can understand better the "new" you. Of course, you will need to back up these words with your actions before he can be convinced, but he will now understand better why you are different. Its important for them to know that you changed not for them or that you want them back ... but because you want to feel better about what you do and how you define yourself.
This is what gets their attention ... that you refuse to return to those "bad" times and by sharing once what it is that will drive you from repeating the cycle helps them understand how it all can be different for good.
