Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[lillystillinlove]

So I've been pondering things that happened Monday evening. Not mentioned above because I was focused on that evening events.

We had a meeting at our S's school. He sat close enough to me for our legs to touch on occasion. I know, very HS girlish, it definitely gave me that insecure teenage feeling of does he like me, is he playing a game, will he ask me to the prom!?!
I've been trying not to speculate because although I want it to be a good sign there is a distinct possibility he's putting up a front for the people there that know us and don't know what's going on. ***SIGH***

Next, he tends to be very critical of people, including me, and that evening I did my best to ignore it or make a joke of it.

Finally, what is the deal with the cell phone. I was leaving to go sign us in I hesitated because I didn't want H to snoop, then I thought better of it, H took notice and he let me know with a lot of hand gesturing and attitude face that he noticed my hesitation and it pissed him off or hurt his feeling. I trying to not acknowledge it but was not successful, IMO. I'm not really sure what to do about this, I've become very protective of my phone because, ya I'll say it, he is of his. Also, I do have things on there that discuss, with a few mutual friend, our situation. He has a hunch they know but I haven't confirmed it. Plus, sometime the OW's H texts me to commiserate, I never initiate contact with him. The OW's H had been texting me that day. I didn't want H to see them and feel betrayed. The OW's children are much older than our S and have a better sense of what's happening, I've known (been their "auntie") since the oldest one was 1yo. I have great concern for them and what they are doing through. It's going to be a huge blow when the put the pieces together and realize what their "uncle" and mother did. The OW is pulling away from them and moving out next week.

Other things that are on my mind...

I do have concern that H and the OW, with their increased freedom, that they will arrange to meet. To meet in the middle would be 45mins to an hour drive for both. I'm trying not to think about it but it's hard. I won't bring it up with H but I'm scared. Scared that things will go further between them. Since I know both of them very well I know it won't last the test of time. I know that this was or could still be 2 people needing intimacy and affection that they weren't getting from their spouses. But beyond that, when the shine wears off, the reality will set in and regret will replace that "new love feeling".

I keep telling myself to believe what he says and trust that he has the best interests of our S as the priority, but I slip and it hurts, that leap of blind faith that he destroyed is proving hard to rebuild. I know I need to get there but it's hard to when all I see is the work I'm doing and how much I'm reaching out (with my heart, not pursuing). I try to remind myself that he is working on something, if not why the IC, why the MC, what is the point? Would he really put himself in a position where he feels attacked every week to keep the EA+ going?

Little things I notice or discover pull me in so many directions? I get so confused and I don't understand some of his actions. But I keep it to myself.

So I have a question for anyone that has dealt with MLCer. Is getting or doing something that seems to be out of spite a symptom? Something like getting a new toy that he knows I won't approve of, and never did. Sort of like screw her I can do what ever I want? One of you smart souls out there picked out a classic statement by MLCers "I deserve to be happy" Stated clearly by H.

He actually mentioned MLC very early on, and everything he remembers are the unhappy memories.

Can this man be going through a MLC? On top of everything else? Am I really in for years (he think it all started on his 49th bday) of dealing with this behavior and stress?