Quote: It is 1:00am and I went over to his hotel room. ... <SNIP> ... Then he adds, too bad I have hurt him so much in the past.
I believe if your letter is a direct response to this, it may work. You are 100% responsible for your 50% of the M. For every choice you made to interact in a way that would cause S to drift further away from you. Everyone is guilty of this on some level. It can have a very significant impact on the WAS to apologize for our part where we choose not to work on nuturing at keeping our bond closer. It also lets them know we are aware of many of the areas where our M's went wrong, so now steps can be taken to repair the damage, to heal, and to prevent them from occuring again. No, we are not asking them to partake in the rebuilding. We're doing it on our behalf for now so they can see that it is not wasted effort.
Its a form of teaching the WAS solution based therapy not in the form of words as in Michelle's books or this bb, because the WAS has tuned out this form of receiving new information, but in the form of doing SBT where the WAS will notice the results. These are 180's & acting "as-if" to break our cycles of shortcomings.
In Water's letter she is doing the 180 of breaking the cycle of H's perception of superficial apologies. Simply by taking the effort to put her heart felt words on paper is doing something different that may break the cycle. Nothing wrong in trying and monitor closely to see if it has the impact you are looking for.
Quote: We paged each other yesterday some sexy messages. I haven't talked to him since Tuesday morning.
Now what??? ...I'm struggling today in libo land. I don't want to push. But I hate not knowing what he is feeling or thinking. It's like I just want to throw out little feelers to just see where he is.
This is tightrope! It tricky to find the proper balance. You want to continue the good interactions between you, but put too many feelers out there and they may give him the "willies"! With his depression, there will be times where he withdraws back into his tunnel and you don't want to be lured into chasing after him. Most times is best to let them lead in initiating contact. In your case, I'll wager you won't have to wait too long before he wants to talk to you again. I would suggest reading thru some of Phoenix_In_Bloom (was Phoenix_In_Training then) older threads. She, too, DB'd over long distant contact.
Water ... you have lotsa positive baby steps here, but continue work at keeping your expectations at the zero level for your own sanity, because there will be times where he will pull back ... but don't fret about that. So long as you are his rock, he will keep coming back more and more.
