Hope everyone is doing great on their continuing roads.
Just journaling, and as always feedback is welcome.
Started a new job recently, Its been going well to say the least.
My son continues to amaze me with his growing intelligence, his unconditional love and when I get to see him is the highlight of my every other weekend.
Outside of that, spending time with friends and family alike. Traveled to a few cities just to visit (been to Boston, Philadelphia and Baltimore in the past month and a half with friends just to eat, chill, sight see and drink) and those adventures have been awesome to say the least. It was hilarious to see my friends try to get me to flirt with women but it wasn't my thing. Not that I'm not interested in women anymore but I'm still trying to piece myself together, heal and be strong for the "if and when" another relationship decides to rear its head. I've been on a few "dates" if you wan to call it that but they've been strictly platonic. I'm still deciding on whether or not another relationship is something I want at this point in time.
Which brings me to the point of me writing this. I truly don't know why I'm scared to be involved with someone else now. I signed the paperwork back in January and have yet to hear any official word on anything since, so I kind of want to wait until I'm truly single before I move on to anything else.
In fact I feel I should move on at some point. I still have love in my heart for my ExW, and yeah I won't lie that a part of me still has that tangent of hope for reconciliation but recent rumblings kind of shelve that slightly.
I've heard through mutual friends that she has a dating prospect and I won't lie it kind of hurt to hear that. Naturally my mind goes off the deep-end thinking about this strange person being around my son but that's me being the worry wart I tend to be.
Where my brain really goes to, is what chance is there at reconciliation if at all? What hope do I have to reclaim a marriage, family and the woman I love? I know I'm supposed to be getting a life and all but what does one do to get the things back that they lost and know they can be achievable again?
And yeah, I know its all "you have to let her live her life" and "You have to live your life," and the usual spiel I'll hear from friends, family and my IC but what do I do to really get what I want?
It begins to feel as if she never really loved me at all you know?
I don't want to ramble but this and more has been on my mind as of late.
Until then, keep on keeping on and I look forward to any replies.
