I Have 90 Days To Save My Marriage

[Rick1963]

The answr to your 1st question is that is pure persuit."should I just take a deep breath and not worry about it unless she brings it up?" Yes that is the anwser.

The second question is more difficult. If you are needing a female to make you feel better about you than it's not a good idea. And if you have not made the changes that got you here you will bring all of that baggage into a new R. So be careful.

[NASCARDaddy]

I don't know that I need a woman to make me feel good about myself as much as it felt good to have someone else affirming the positive things that I feel about myself. It was only this last week that things started to get particularly out of bounds with this friend. A lot of things have happened this week, it was the first week I had really actually been able to detach, W asked me to waive the 90 day waiting period on our divorce, She has cut me down to seeing my kids just two days a week because she and I had a big blow up two weeks ago last Friday, etc., and I have been really struggling to deal with the series of body blows that have landed over the last week. I feel pretty good about myself and my self esteem is a lot higher than it has been, it just really felt good to have someone else, without any kind of prompting, tell me that I was a good person and say the things that I really would like W to say to me.

[NASCARDaddy]

The one good thing that came out of the whole thing is that I did realize that I am even more committed to making my marriage work than I thought. There have been times when I have felt like throwing my hands up in the air and walking away, but when I broke things off with POW yesterday I realized that a new relationship is not what I want; I really just want to find a way to make things work with W.

[NASCARDaddy]

Yesterday I met with my therapist and he says that I need to start telling W that I love her again. and try to tell her that all I want is to work things out so that we can be a family again. I am not sure that this is the right time to do that since she continues to seem to be closed off to me. However, he has had some conversations with her on the phone so he may know more about her mental state than I do. Should I continue to go dark as much as possible or should I take my therapist's advice and make a tentative effort to reach out to W?

[MrBond]

Did you ask him why he felt that way?

[NASCARDaddy]

He says that her reaction to me telling her that is a good way to gauge where she is at emotionally right now. Beyond that all that he could say without breaching confidentiality is that based on his communications with her he felt that it might be a good idea to try and reach out to her.

[NASCARDaddy]

Beyond that, he pointed out that since our first session together she has been completely unwilling to talk to him at all, so the fact that she would even talk to him on the phone is movement in a positive direction.

[MrBond]

Okay I wouldn't go so far as to tell her the 'L' word. How about asking how she's doing and that you care about her? Take it slow.

[NASCARDaddy]

At this point it does not really matter because she told me that if I don't sign the waiver of the 90 days she will just file for summary judge based on the fact that I did not contest the divorce and get the same result. I guess that kinda tells me where she is at emotionally.

[MrBond]

Yes it does matter because you have to look at the larger picture. The D is just a piece of paper. It's not an automatic switch that turns on or off people's emotions. Stay the course as if the threat of D wasn't there.