New to DB

[hopefulinga]

Where can I find the 37 rules? Some of this is a little overwhelming to get a grasp on. Thanks for the tip on the posts as well. I will check them out.

I've honestly been trying to not point anything out to H until I got called a whipped puppy. I've kept my mouth shut, haven't brought up the relationship, haven't complained about many things that have gotten under my skin. Trying to act "as if" because I cannot cry and mope around all the time. Trying to "do a 180" so that I acutally listen before I respond.

I'm having a hard time defining my goals without saying one would be to stay married. I do know that I would like to GAL, after doting on H and D for the past 17 years and having no true friends down here. I would like to learn to respect H's feelings and opinions without having to agree with them, so that I don't "challenge" him. I would like to learn to communicate my needs in a positive manner instead of making accusations and attacking. I am a very anxious person and I need to learn how to release anxiety and not create scenarios in my head. I need to learn how to trust and believe in someone.

I am trying to focus on myself and my behavior, as that is all that I can change. For now, I am being very quiet. If H talks about something, I try to acknowledge what he is saying without engaging him too much further. The biggest thing I need to work on is walking away when he say things that hurt. I knew he was pissed on Monday and when he made the comment about not wanting me to cook for him, I knew we were rolling down hill but did not expect the D conversation. I should have realized he didn't like what I cooked and left it at that and not tried to engage him.

I am an attorney and have a very direct mode of communication. Not responding when I get attacked is very difficult. Also, not throwing barbs is hard.