Greetings~ I am thinking of Valentines day. He has acknowleged it already with me. A gift just seems inappropriate at this point. I'm feeling like we are at a new point in wherever we are. This is a first draft of what I would like to give him. Apology and Forgiveness.
Happy Valentines Day!
Hummm what could be a fitting gift for you on this day? I realize this is not a gift you can hold in your hand, but perhaps your heart will get use out of it.
The first gift I want to give you is an apology. I’m Sorry. These two words can mean such a range of things – very light and generalized to deep and heart felt. They can be hollow and meaningless or true to the core. This apology is the later. I know I have probably said I’m Sorry to you a million times in my life. So what is different now? What makes this time different than the other 999,999 times? In the past I have said this in an attempt to make myself feel better. I’m sorry – go on with life… wait a minute, that’s not right. Am I really thinking to myself that all is forgiven? Gee you’re great Laurie. NO, I have been missing the point – it’s not about making me feel better, it’s about making YOU feel better. It’s about taking away your pain and making it so that it NEVER happens again. It’s about making it really mean something, that I have put myself in your place and truly felt what you feel.
Why was all this and more so hard to see? Because I was looking inside at me instead of outside to you. While looking inside I get to keep swimming in the pain I was feeling. Isn’t that convenient? I don’t have to admit my faults and still get you to take the blame. Looking inside also forces another issue to come up. Facing the pain and letting it go. That is called forgiveness, and your second gift. I don’t want the hurt around anymore. I have no use for it. Apologizing and Forgiving go hand in hand. If the forgiveness is not given as well, then it is as the prime ground for resentment to start again. No thank you. I can only be free to be me without that holding me back. I’m choosing the direction of healing, harmony and growth. I can only let the hurt go by offering forgiveness.
