MrBond, we had gone to our general practitioner (HMO loops) for something and I took that opportunity to make mention of H rant (at the time) and self loth. H sat there agreeing with everything I said, really owning it, the doctor's response was that he looked really calm.
We asked for a referral to see a physic. He took one look at my husband and said "your a grown man, take responsibilities for your actions". No! He sen't him home with Zoloft. This was 2yrs ago.
The Zoloft ended up in the garbage during a rant and despite LOTS of family members and friends efforts he will not go back. I've tried different doctors who agreed to see him, H canceled 3x didn't go.
His mom, my parents, his boss, my S23, S21, his brothers, have all said they would take him if he needed to go with someone, and all have offered to pay if stupid HMO didn't cover it all. NO!
The fact the everyone, mind you very lovingly, was trying to help...hurt the sich soo much more. That's when he ran to the lakefront and sat with degenerates for camaraderie. And, there he sits every chance he gets.
I have called the physic ward at the local hospital for advice. They told me to call the police if he's ranting or threatening to hurt himself, as they, only have the authority to force him to the emergency.
The police at work fought with him, but never took him in so we missed that chance. Now he's past the rant stage.
I am very sad! I mourn for the H lost inside this shell. I'm angry for the way I have to give validation and understanding for nothing in return. He's child like.
I'm angry his EA with this crap, and trashy lakefront people, abuse him. He says they are willing to say horrible things about him, to him, and he needs to hear it. See he's not vulgar, mean, roady, or violent. So he admires there freedom to be vulgar, unemployed, without problems of wall street and "the man".
That alone is the most gut wrenching thing for me. I would tear them a new one. I'm articulate and quick minded (H is not, H is book smart). That hurts more than the FA last yr because his mind is more important to me than his body.
But, I stay quiet. He defends them all if I don't. So here I sit, hands tied, mouth shut, screaming inside.
Thanks, sorry it's so long but nobody has ever asked how am I dealing. I'm tough, but lonely and afraid
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
I saw this on another's post: "what's the number one excuse that H's who are cheating give to people? "My W doesn't understand me." That's what he's getting from the OW. He's getting validation. He's getting someone who he believes "understands" him"
I get this believe me I do, but in my case my H said the OW EA is because she understands and validates his "crazy side". He calls her a forgot sole nobody cared about that's why she's an alcoholic, druggy, vulgar, government assisted, schizoid, with delusional tendencies. (his words)
H has committed himself to helping her "making her his sister" getting her in a better apt. clean, and giving her the tools to GAL. He calls it "helping himself through giving to someone else". He sees the "good person behind her crap"
Nothing will be taken from me, cause he's going to get a side job to provide this for her. Or, why don't I open my doors to her, show her a good family and home. My S21 almost flattened him when he asked that..I would rather show her the end of my D softball bat.
None of this has happend...he has "illusions of granger" and is setting himself up for more failure. Believe 50% of what they say! I love that!!!!!!
Yesterday he said he's not trying to leave me, he's trying to leave himself. She provides that escape because she's crazier than him.
He said the other guy in him loves me, this guys loves nothing..not the kids, me, nothing!
I will look into help...but what really works best for me is working out, eating right, and hanging out with my kids. I do like writing in this forum...it helps a lot. I want to know how to Bootcamp...I really need it!
Can you or anyone help me Bootcamp?
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
No you're taking things to personally. Your anxiety stems from your H's erratic behavior and his depression. You're not getting the support you need to cope with that. And I'm talking about someone face to face. Being on this forum is great and we could talk about how to act when your H is being a douche, but there are real deep seated issues that stem specifically from clinical depression that is best discussed with a professional.
There is a book that I forget what the title was, but it deals with spouses who deal with a loved one with depression. In the end it stresses that those who live in such situations need to get support for themselves.
Right now you feel worn down, helpless, beaten down, walking on eggshells, tell me when to stop. Bottom line is that there's nothing you can do to change that as long as you tie yourself and your feelings to your H. You need to detach yourself from the drama. How about meditating? Do something that you must mentally do to get your mind off of him? Right now you can't seem to shut that off and no amount of talking on a forum is going to help you to do that. YOU have to make the effort to do it and take it one step at a time.
Eventually the noise will get softer and you will be at peace.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
