Then she asks me if she's going to be able to stay at the house next week. Wow, I guess she forgot she told me she would pick them up for next week. I think my BIL must have nixed the entire family deal. I said "I'm not planning on leaving the house" and she said "so I have to see them when you say until I get a divorce decree?" Sheesh, wth just happened. I said, "No, you can take them...your visits don't have to be here." There's some silence and then I say "I think there are clearly a number of things we need to discuss going forward" and she agrees to set up some time with me to discuss later this week.
Sigh...
Once again, words buddy....
No, you can take them...your visits don't have to be here.
Anytime that you use the words "I" , or "You" in a sentence, there is a chance of it getting taken the wrong way. There is a potential for guilt being passed on, and there is a chance that it gets mis-interpreted as controlling, and/or blaming. Use those words GENTLY...
I would like for your mind to slowly drift toward something like....
I have been thinking about the negative impact that spending time here, will have on the children. While I would like the best for them, the mixed message of having time with you here, would most likely not be in their best interest. We need to move forward with our lives , and if that encapsulates you not being here, then I think it would be best to start that now.
In no way, an I attempting to keep the children from you. I will support them being with you in every way. What I am saying is, that I feel, that we have to keep this simple for them, and do our very best to not confuse them. They are going to have a rough enough time adjusting. And if they see us in disarray, then they will be in disarray.
I am open and willing to listen to all of your suggestions on this.
Originally Posted By: BD
I was trying to keep it upbeat and friendly, but she took my head for a spin there at the end. I don't think the discussion is going to go well, and she's going to be p!ssed when I tell her I'm not going to agree to swap weeks. Any advice on how to do this gently??
