Thread #8 - It's time.

[Navyguy]

Well, the C appointment was hard, but I'm doing ok.

We started talking logistics of a separation...C is really pushing to make it happen ASAP. I think her and my IC have talked and they are both working to protect me...so I understand why they are doing it.

At the end, C said that the appt. went better than she thought it would, and she thinks we do have a good chance of separating respectfully and amiciably.

A couple sticking points surfaced though. We briefly discussed custody, and I stated that I'm not good with just seeing the kids every other weekend. W didn't say what she wanted. C said that a 50/50 split is not good for the kids. So that's something to work out. C gave us a book to read about kids and D...it's the Sandcastles book. I've already read most of it and will be giving it to W tonight. It's very hard to read and see the drawings that kids make about D.

The other thing was me being in the Navy and potentially having to move in 2 years. I said that I am not comfortable with that and that I would rather get out of the Navy and move back to Colorado than be away from the kids. W wants to stay in the DC area because of the good job market here. She thinks that if she moves back to CO she'd end up living at her parents house and working for minimum wage. So that's something we're going to have to figure out as well.

C's homework for us was to put together a budget, for W to start her job search, and for us to start figuring out separate housing. So next week we're going to review those things and C also wants to start discussing some of our unresolved issues. Not for the purpose of saving our M, but so we can forgive and not have them hanging over us as we move forward.

Yesterday I started working on a spreadsheet that has our budget and a list of our options with pros and cons of each. The budget wasn't very pretty...if W can get a $15-20/hr job, we're going to be about $2000/mo short of what we need. I showed it to W last night and asked for her input. We'll see if she actually does anything with it.

W and I have been getting along ok. I think the appt. yesterday was tough for her though. I think she thought this process was going to be easy...all sunshine and lollipops. But now she's seeing that I'm not just going to roll over on the important issues. Hopefully she's willing to compromise.

It's funny you guys mention the definition of "done". W has told a few times over the past week or so that she doesn't ever see herself getting to a place where she would be in love with me again. Just trying to drive the point home that she's "done" I guess.

I'm sure I'll get there someday too.

Blah.