you are in total overwhelm stage - and i think it's coz of your brain - there is NOTHING going on that can't be waited on.
she is pulling your strings hard - she KNOWS how easily you get overwhelmed and she's pushing you. JUST WALK AWAY, okay.
Understand this:
THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW TOWARDS YOUR W THAT WILL MAKE IT BETTER OR WORSE.
SO DO WHAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN GET YOU INTO A GOOD PLACE FOR YOURSELF
by that i don't mean that all is lost. when you detach a bit, you will be able to see that when they are on a rampage, they are running scared and irrational and lashing out.
You are full on on her roller coaster right now, and that's what has you in this state.
GET OFF!!
if you fix her phone or not - it doesn't matter - that little act WILL NOT determine one way or the other whether she leaves, so don't put any importance on it.
Her lawyer?
don't tell HER to give him messages (that's you setting yourself up for negative interactions with her) . TELL HIM DIRECTLY!! if he calls you, say very firmly and quietly: Please contact my lawyer directly and deal with him.
Your wife - leave her alone - act as if she's not there - don't wait for her to take off - YOU TAKE OFF!!
IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE BEING AROUND HER (WHICH YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN'T RIGHT NOW) YOU GO STAY SOMEWHERE FOR A NIGHT.
DO NOT SET YOURSELF UP FOR NEGATIVE INTERACTIONS WITH HER RIGHT NOW.
here's some advice, and focus only on these 2 things for now till you get through this:
1. get yourself to a calm place within your mind. stay focused on the long-term, not the details of the present and get a PMA. what is happening right now is putting you into panic state and you have to get your a$$ OUT OF IT!!!!!
2.make sure as much as you can that every interaction with her is as positive as you can steer it towards.
she won't remember that you fixed her phone later. if you can do the second, she'll remember that it wasn't unpleasant dealing with you. capiche?
if she's ranting, don't take it on yourself - shrug it off and stay pleasant, and then casually leave (even if it's 2 in the morning, or go to bed.) guess what - when they rant like this, they are really scared and they don't really remember it afterwards the way we do
so dear dear mac - don't panic, this is just a passing thing - it won't make or break your sitch - but it could make or break you. stop the cycle within yourself - because you have to save yourself first, not your marriage
(((((( )))))))
btw - that's not shouting up there in upper-case - that's just "emphasizing"!!!
you can do this, you know - this time around, as serenity says - DO IT DIFFERENTLY
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
