The journey I have been on the past 4 weeks has been very difficult.
Shooting a movie on a boat is very challenging. It added a level of logistical planning that I had yet to do at this point.. Especially when I had 8 boats to coordinate in the middle of the night.. In the middle of San Francisco bay.
However as hard as that was...it didn't even compare to the struggles I had with the director and cinematographer.
I dbed the sh!t out of them and it didn't make a difference. When they expressed their negative feelings about me, I validated. When they were rude, I showed grace and kindness.
I tried to reframe my perspective to allow forgiveness...
But doing all that just made me a bigger mirror.. And the more I dbed.. The bigger and cleaner the mirror became.
And at first it bothered me. My job is to support the director.. And all she did was put me down.
I questioned myself on why I should keep DBing. Why should I show kindness and grace when it clearly wasn't being shown to me.
And then.. It happened. Other crew members starting approaching me. They not only complimented my skill, but my attitude...
... And when Sh!t hit the fan (which it did) the crew went to bat for me... Because of who I am and what I showed them.
And although my director may never appreciate me.. 30 other people did.
Sometimes you can't win them all.
It was such a good lesson to learn.. Because I had to let go. I had to accept her opinion was hers and one that that I had no control over. I had to not let her opinion turn into truth in my head.
What a beautiful lesson to learn. I knew I went up to San Francisco to learn something...
... And for me that is how to let go.
I Will be back in la in 2 days and I will have to deal with my wife and the divorce.
I need to keep continuing to let go.
I know it's a process and for me.. I think it's time I hit the next phase.
I believe in my heart that I have become a better Val. I believe that I am someone only a fool would leave.
Now it's time for me to accept that my wife doesn't want to know this better Val.. And although it has hurt like hell.. It's time to let that pain go...
It's time to sign.. Move on.. And heal.
There is so much I have learned in these pasts weeks which I will continue to share on these boards.
The most important thing was that if you truly believe in God's mercy and grace.. Then you can show mercy and grace to anyone...
... Including the ones who hurt you deeply.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
