am back from Seattle! For the most part we had a GREAT time weekend. Two whole days and NIGHTS with H!
On Saturday he picked me up at the airport and we went to his Real Estate agents office. We spent the day looking at houses. It was fun and asked my opinion several times. We stole a kiss or two as we were wandering around a house and the RE agent wasn't looking.
Saturday night he had already committed to hosting a poker night for some of the new guys that he works with. One of the guys worked with him in CA so he knows who I am. I told H I would go to the mall and then to the movies. I didn't know how he wanted to handle me coming home. He said not to worry about it, that he is not trying to hide me or anything. When I came in he just said that this is Laurie. The one guy was surprised to say the least. We were up until 1:00am playing poker. Wonderful to spend the night together. H commented that it is so nice and feels so good to snuggle with me.
Sunday morning he went to get the newspaper and something for us to eat. He came back with a box of chocolates and said I was sweet. And because Valentines day is coming up he gave me a stuffed puppy with a red heart in its mouth. Of course when he walked into the Den I was sitting at the desk in only my VERY sexy VS bra and thong. He came in and said WOW!! I said what could be better than coming home to find me here in my underwear! He said "Not much! Your Awesome!"
Ok, here is where you can get those 2x4's out. Don't worry, about being gentle...
He was on the phone and logged me onto his computer to help him set up some files and things for his new job. Ok, so there is a folder that is a personal foler, (has his name on it) hummmm wonder what's in here..... Oh here's a subfolder with OW name on it. Well lookkie there, its a picture of OW. My heart was pounding. She just became a real person with a face. Not good. For a few minutes I worked on his files. Hummm there is his pager. Wonder what we might find there. Oh well, lookkie there its a page from her last week saying that she missed him and did his ex give him the info about the house. H was coming back into the room, so put the pager down. Then he gets a page and of course the page I was looking at was still showing. He said what have you been doing. I've been nosey. I wanted to know if I have any competition. We had an OW talk. He said you don't want to know. I asked if he saw her last weekend when he came down. He said no!!He said he is not mate worthy. We talked a bit about how we both feel confused. It just got dropped and we decided to take a nap. We snuggled very close. He fell asleep and I moved but he thought I was getting out of bed. He said "don't leave me". I told him I wasn't going anywhere. He said don't ever leave me. I told him I wouldn't ever leave him. More Wonderful!!
After we got up I put on some sweats and then we decided that we would go out and about. He looked at what I had on and made this funny hickville voice and said, Yeah this is my girlfriend, she's real cute. We were laughing. I went and changed into my sexy jeans and top. Came back and said Is this girlfriend worthy? and he said Oh yeah you look great!
As we were out and about, we were looking at one house but it was really noisy. He turned to me and said, I don't want to live here, do you? Probably more subconscious, but hey, maybe its still there somewhere. He did tell me during our ickie conversation that he has always loved me and tells people that when they asked what happened. Sorry, but seems to me he is trying to save face with that one. I appreciate the comment, but the actions this weekend spoke louder.
We had a very nice night last night, more comments on how nice it is to sleep next to each other. I thanked him for sharing his weekend with me. He said no, thank you for being so sweet! I asked if I could come back some time and he said "Yep!" I said sometime soon? "Yep!"
This morning we spent a long time hugging and kissing before we walked out the door. At the airport more GOOD kisses.
I'm thinking there is a lot to work with. Just not real sure how to proceed. I think maybe step up a little and act more like a girlfriend. We did NOT have any type of conversation like that. He does say that actions speak louder than words. Maybe start including him more in my life, little daily things. Kind of progress things along just like we are building a new relationship. Gosh guess that is what we are doing. I just need to go slow. I know I can tend to want to go directly to go and collect my reward!
I didn't have any real suspicions. He has told me that they DO NOT see each other any more. He said they are friends though. I asked who broke up with who and he said it was a mutual decision. That is when he said that he is not mate worthy. That he is a recovering mate. Kind of like a recovering alcoholic.
I took much of our conversation to be that he is very confused within himself. Not so much about being with her. But how to get himself in order to be with me.
I think he realizes how much pain he has caused. I told him I shouldn't snoop and I shouldn't ask questions, but it is like a car accident. You don't want to look, know you shouldn't and get hurt when you do. I explained that I am hurt that H allowed himself to have an A with her.
He told me before he left that he wanted Seattle to be a fresh start for him. I was there, she was not. He came back here for the weekend, he called me not her. When I asked him about her missing him he said "I bet she does" in a not so nice tone. Not directed at me, but her. Does that make sense?
He really did try this weekend. And we had a good time. Even though that little episode happened, we need to talk about this stuff at some point. We need more weekends like this.
With each new development, I am always faced with "what to do now?" I know, what works, but I feel we are moving is some sort of direction. Don't I need to keep up?
How does Reconnecting happen in the stages of MLC? He is making HUGE reconnections with his family. Calls his sister every Sunday. He used to go months without talking to her. He talked to his Mom twice, his grandma, his sister and his dad this weekend. VERY different for him. And not just idle chit chat, but real meaningful conversations regarding his family and their issues.
I'm not sure where this falls in the MLC stages. VinL if your out there any ideas? Is this a Depression thing? What about Withdrawl?
I'm going to go eat my chocolate and squeeze my puppy.
Water: I like how you managed OW issue, but for me there is no chance... i always had asked "NO more about OW at all"... even as a friend... i dont want to alarm you, just to ask you being open eyes... while my h continue maintaining contact with OW, he had not get out of the crisis... right now, is the moment where there arent strange calls at night, no hiding phone from me, he leaves without paranoic behavior his cell phone while he tkes a shower, etc, now there is really nothing to hide... again, each case is differnt and each of us knows his man...!!... Andrea
Sure sounds like it - just like my H. Don't get involved in the OW stuff. It takes time for that to go away. Let him remember how great and supportive and loving you were when he was so depressed. He's finding his way home to you.
i think you done good, i am glad you had a good time, and the mere fact that you two can carry on a conversation about the snooping without it going south is a step in the right direction
Wonderful!!
