Had a long and on the whole fun weekend just gone.
My brother-in-law was getting a Civil Partnership with his boyfriend and good friend of mine on Saturday in London, so it was a family affair.
We went down on the Friday and didn't come back until the Monday so it was 4 days together with my W and kids.
The ceremony was really nice (Bollywood Theme) & it took place in a beautiful hotel in which we stayed at on the Saturday night.
Most of the ladies had saree's on and me and a few of the men were sporting Sherwani's, which are so comfortable, at times I thought I was in pyjamas
What really struck me was how happy and close my brother-in-law and his partner are. They have been together just over 6 years and have been living together for 5 of them.
They both can't do enough for each other, they are physically close - like you know they are a couple when you see them together and respect each other for who they are faults and all.
It made me kind of sad, because I can remember what that is like with my W and when I compare it to where we are now it upsets me, because we both neglected and threw away what we had.
My W never wore her rings for the weekend and it was noticed by my brother-in-law's partner when talking about his wedding ring asked to see my W's and her BIL just said she's not wearing them & she just ignored the situation.
This all happened in front of me & our children and I felt embarrassed and was worried incase the children got upset, but I never passed any comment & let it go, quickly changing the subject to their honeymoon.
Since I've been back, my Dad's not been well & I spent a few hours round at my Mum and Dad's place looking after him & took him shopping.
My dad's getting better, he's recovering from this infection between his ears, apparrantley when these little hairs get damaged inside it affects your balance and hearing. He'd been collapsing and throwing up a lot, but now his meds are kicking in & he's getting back to his old self.
My dad was asking about how things were going with me and my W as he knows most of what's been happening and I was telling him that things are no better, that I was looking into D.
He was a bit sad when I told him this, but said to me that whatever happens, things will be OK.
I said that I just want to make the time I spend with the kids good & I've got my teaching to focus on.
I said things are on hold really right now, until some changes happen I won't be moving towards R or D, explaining that money was the biggest obstacle going down the D route right now, which may or may not be a blessing in disguise.
I'm going to focus my energy on GAL, DIY, fitness and spending time with the kids.
I'm also going to make a bigger effort in my interactions with my W than I have been, the past few weeks I've not wanted to be a good listener, friend or sometimes even there.
I can make this effort again without conditions or expectations, because I want to just be who I am and do what makes me happy again. I'm no longer worried about an outcome and like being me again.
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
