I just want to be friends...Pt3

[breakdownbill]

Hi Yankee

I can totally relate to your post here about finances.

I think it's OK to feel bad about it, I mean ideally money and work should be a side issue, but I can understand why your H (just like my W) stresses about money and probably feels some resentment about it.

A lot of my fellow student colleagues have a lot of commercial work behind them, experience I don't have so I'm doubling up on my learning curve. I wish he could understand that. I have explained that to him, and he just comes back with the same old complaints.

I don't feel all that great right now.

At the end, I texted him that I don't need him knocking my confidence.

I know this is a sensitive issue, but it's a good one to compare to relationship issues.

Your H's complaints are about finances (work, money coming in), when you try and validate him with words, his complaints don't stop coming.

The obvious action to validate or (resolve) your H's complaints is to change the situation with actions (work, money coming in) - the issue is then listened to, validated and resolved.

If you compare it to say, being more affectionate for example - and your H complains about it.

If you use words to say you will try to be more affectionate, but are still not affectionate, the complaint is still there.

If you start being more physically outgoing, hugs, touching, kisses etc (action) the complaint is listened to, validated and resolved.

Hey nothing is ever that straight forward & there are always obstacles that get in the way of our goals, but just thought you could use another perspective on that.

Bill