I try to stay focused on the moment not the past not the future. It's easier to get through the day. Focus on the here and now not what used to be or might have been.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Spoke too soon. H blew up my phone and I made the mistake of calling him back. He basically accused me of spending all the money and running the back account into the red. Then he went off on how do I dare set up an appointment with a counselor without consulting him and how dare I instill my wishes upon S without thinking of his best interests. H told menus discussed counseling with S long ago and S didn't want to go to counseling. I talked to S afterward and this is a lie. S never told H that.
And on to the coach. Again, how dare I speak for H and S almost got cut from the team because of this fiasco (that's H's story) and that the coach is FURIOUS with ME for not talking to H about his philosophy. I told H that I have spoken extensively to the coach and that was not true. H says "should I have you listen to the angry voicemail coach left me?" I said "sure, why not?"
I told H he was not going to twist things around and make me the bad guy anymore. I wasnt going to allow that to happen. He can twist things anyway he sees fit but I will not let it bother me anymore. That shut him up. He asked to have S call him when he got back from walking the dog.
So S calls and H talks to D and then wants to talk to me again!!!! Hasn't this been enough for one night? So I get on the phone and he is nice as pie!!! Telling me what a great swimmer D is and how we need to keep her in swimming lessons. Then he starts another argument about how dare I spend $25 per month on the dog's heartworm and flea and tick meds. That is just ridiculous! Oy veh!!! I said call the vet and find out what the options are. To me the dog's health is well worth $25 per month. But anything for an argument I guess.
My head is spinning. I think I need a drink.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Oh btw I texted the coach and apologized for any problems I caused and if I upset him. He called me immediately and told me I didn't upset him and he never once told H that he was upset with me. I explained to the coach that H is very caustic at best toward me so if coach needs to talk to H please do so directly. Coach totally understood. Aye me!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
"I told H he was not going to twist things around and make me the bad guy anymore. I wasnt going to allow that to happen. He can twist things anyway he sees fit but I will not let it bother me anymore. "
Bravo! Keep this up and you'll get that respect back.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
And the thing is as exhausted as I was after the incident I knew I was okay and he was still running scared. He tries to get to me but he is finding it harder and harder to control me. That's why he is so on the "control" issue. Controlling the money. Controlling the coach. Controlling the counselor! And now controlling the dog's medicine. Unbelieveable.
And of course it's my fault he can't work overtime because I am poisoning the kids against him. Sure that's obvious by the way they squeal with delight whenever he makes an appearance. So glad I am me and not him.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
ahhh...the control issue...they cannot control themselves, their thoughts, etc, so they try to control everything external to them...we LBS are target #1, if fail there, on to everything else...get used to it, even when they seem to be coming out of it, the control issues are still very strong, as my W shows me almost daily.
You are handling it well, keep strong!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Oh Yes.... I agree with T^2. Your experience is the same experience I had with my XH, and still tend to! We've been apart only 14 months and divorced almost 4 months. Yes, the spew, then sweet at pie, rinse and repeat. Gets old.
And yes, the control as to everything external to them. When you stand your ground, it will get worse.
wishing, I am so sorry that he blew up again. It's all about control, and yes, money and appearances. Stick to your guns and do not allow him to bring you down.
Your h thinks everyone is out to get him, but no one is...it's all in his mind. Whenever he starts spewing, change the subject very quickly and watch how he forgets about the spewing.
Hang in there! You are doing great!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So H has talked to "others" (probably OW since she has a dog) and now he tells me the meds are essential. Why did I know if the dog gets heartworms he will die? Lol! Yes is that not what I said last night? Lol! I said so you want ms to get the heartworm meds but not the flea and tick? He says well the majority of the cost is the heartworm so the flea and tick is cheap so I guess what's the difference? I think he's just mad now because I am right and he hates that. But of course he didn't say that! Lol!
Wow...just wow. I am so thankful for this board or I would think I was the crazy one!!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
He's just trying to control everything. All he saw were $$$$ signs in the fact that you were spending money. It is very important to protect your animal and that includes purchasing heart worm medication as well as flea and tick meds, especially this time of the year.
BTW, just in case you aren't aware of it...the mlcer thinks he knows everything and he is always right. Unfortunately, many times, what they think is right isn't necessary correct. They forget that we have brains and can think for ourselves and yes, we do the homework and find the answers for ourselves w/o their assistance.
One of the hardest things is to learn to find the humor in what they say and do...but, you'll get there. Do not doubt yourself!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
