but I am worried about adding stress to my already rocky M.
I am really worried about being selfish here. I have been selfish A LOT in the past in our M.
In all fairness, this is about the death of a family member. One whom I am sure your W knows your close relationship with, regardless of her comments which may have been due to dementia.
Attending a funeral such as this IS selfish. Yet it doesn't mean you are a bad provider.
Also, remember that right now, your W is asking for space. This is very unlikely to be some "test" from her regarding your priorities. If it is... well, that is a daemon your W will have to deal with.
