Trying to save my marriage.

[Jhail83]

In your top post on this thread, regardless of her relationship with her OM, you are probably dead on when you said, "I think she does like the idea of him"

At this point she only brings him up as a shield sort of.. At least that's how it feels.

Regardless of her initial departure, you DID cheat on her and you DID rub her face in it. Imagine how that must have stung her...

Oh I know. Nothing excuses my behavior. I feel absolutely awful that I hurt her.

You will be dealing with her being unable to emotionally trust you, right now. THAT is where you will need to work on for sure. Regardless of the outcome of the M (as Cadet mentioned above, have no expectations), you will want to be a man she can trust. You have a D with her so she will need to trust you there. And she possibly will, without much effort. But won't for her.

I am willing to do anything to make this easier on her. I know I have to swallow my pride and make big changes.

Again, think and feel how it is for you to consider your W is with another man. Use that to truly empathize with her.

I certainly know how she must feel to an extent. Except she was blindsided by it...

Good for you to look at counselling for your past issues. That is great and is completely separate from your M issues.

I agree. It is something I need to do for myself to be a better person and move on from my past.

Some of what your W is saying is script, such as wanting you to be happy and find another woman.

I agree, it is still hard to hear. I try not to let it bother me, but up here where I fish, I have too much time to think... which is bad.

It IS a tiny... tiny... tiny... tiny... tiny... very tiny... positive (maybe) that she mentioned the bit about if the two of you were meant to be together, you will... It IS likely to be her indecision. Again, she's hurt, yet she may still love you, deep down. Otherwise, it wouldn't hurt her.

Do NOTHING with that possible fact, except store it in memory.

Good advice. I do not want to bring things up to her, and push her away further.

Ouch, she is definitely pushing your buttons. Again, note she's hurt and wants to hurt you back.

I certainly understand her position. I am not mad or do I want to hold anything against her.

You need to detach as Cadet mentioned above and ALSO stop pressuring her. You NEED to STOP the R talks.

I agree wholeheartedly.

I would not say you are LRT, you certainly do need to look at Sandi2's 37 (and some odd) rules and follow most of them.

I will do so. Thanks for the advice.

You need to be transparent about your life to your W. She will need that to trust you. That does not mean calling her to tell her what you are doing, that is pursuit. If she asks about your life, tell her. Not the emotions, just answer her questions.

Once again I agree. She said I should change my facebook password because it is "too tempting" to log in and look at night. I told her I have no intention on doing that and I have nothing to hide.

You indicate you've read DR. So, what 180s are you planning. Also, what kind of GAL might you do?

I will be more involved in taking care of our D4.
She griped that I never spent time with her... this will be hard to do, but I will make the most of every moment I get with her.

I will take care of things at the house more promptly. That is if she doesn't take offense.

Not make her feel guilty about this situation. I want her back because she wants me back, not because she feels bad about it.

Also, I notice you indicate in your post above that you will SHOW her you can be a responsible and good father.

Do not do ANYTHING to SHOW her anything about yourself. Do it because you want to be a better man, a better father, and someone that hopefully, only a fool would leave.

You are absolutely correct. I want to be a better man and father regardless of what happens.