Should I initiate R talk?

[Arsene]

Thanks Denver,

It's comforting to know you're around. Again, I can relate to a lot of the way you felt/feel, about marriage and standing for it being a matter of integrity. My standing for my marriage in the face of adversity helps me define the person I am/want to be. I got married for better or for worst, I took the better now what kind of a man would i be if I ran at the first sign of the worst.

I read a book about 10 years ago, just before I met my wife and it changed my life. It's called Conversation with God by Neile Walsh. It's not a religious book but a spiritual one and there's a parable in there that always stood in my mind.

It's the candle in the sun. While in the presence of the sun, the little candle was barely seen but when it became surrounded by darkness, only then was is able to shine its true light and show how bright it was. The darkness allowed the candle to shine and therefore, the candle shouldn't forsake the darkness surrounding it but embrace it for allowing the discovery of how bright the candle really was.

This is darkness which will allow me to show myself the kind of man I am. And although I don't always feel strong lately, I keep telling myself that without this, i wouldn't have begun my journey towards the man I want to be, and in a strange way, I am thankful to my W for this.

You tell me that W and I have already told each other what we want but I also know that I shouldn't believe a word she says. Somehow, what i read from the recent "twist" in my sitch is that she is noticing some of my changes (and yes 25YearMLC, I hear what you say - I do slip quite often but I also have victories and many of the 180s I've done are now becoming 2nd nature) and I think she might be panicking. I sense so much uncertainty in her and a need to run away not to face this situation. I also sense a lot of guilt (and I I've been very careful not to add to it). My theory is that she knows I'm working hard on this and she is now finding it difficult to "monsterize" me.

When I wrote that "she rambled on an answer" when I asked why she wanted a divorce now, I didn't mean it to devalue her but she was really lost for words and scraping the bottom of the barrel for something to tell me. I think she was expecting me to lose it and to start begging or telling her what to do, or judging her or even making her feel guilty but I didn't (at least i hope I didn't). I kept my head (mostly - I shouldn't have mentioned the dressing up incident) and tried to validate her feellings while stating my point of view. When pushed, I asked for time to think about it.

I think the same thing happened with her text about finance. The old me would have been all over her but there, I again validated her feeling, and in fact, agreed with them and used this opportunity to add something to my list of things to work on.

I'm not trying to read too much of all this, In the end, i guess it shouldn't matter whether we are divorced or not. She told me that it was important for her to have closure and to know where she stands. I thought she did but I see that she is confused on this as well.

This and the admission of OM will make things more difficult, for her and for me but at this time, it doesn't alter my decision to stand.

I am still going to go through my 180s, for myself and I am still going to GAL, for myself and my D8.

I am confident that OM will not be a permanent fixture. After all he has already abandoned 1 wife and 2 children and he's a musician who thinks he's pretty hot stuff. He's likely to get tired of a 40-year-old woman and trade her in for a newer model(I, myself, love the classic cut of the older model. I find them a lot sexier and reliable, in the end ). Somehow, I suspect W knows that but the monster in her didn't care for the moment.

I would love some opinions on whether I should go ahead and give her the divorce or resist it as much as I can. I will nonetheless seek legal advice, about the divorce laws in this country and the options available to me because after this bomb, I half expect that she will now go after D8 for custody (maybe not but she definitely knows that would get my attention).

Thank you all again for reading me. I appreciate your input and advice, no matter how hard it sometimes is to accept and to follow.