I don't know enough yet about it to really say. I've had two seperate doctors confirm it. But I have to go to a specialist to get further tests done to see which one of the three versions there are, that I have. It's a non-hodgkins lymphoma and the good news that I can see is that it's considered "slow growth" so it can be cut out and that may be the end of it. Where I have potential for bad news is if it got to my lymphnodes or in my blood stream. Then it's bad. I'll know more in a few weeks.
I do appreciate the kind words of support. I'm not trying to act tough, it's just my fierce independance sparking up. I've always been a fighter and not much of a touchy feely kind of guy. Which does explain a lot in my relationship with my W - as I have admitted.
The thing about "caring" that gets me defensive is that serious issues sometimes dictate the way people treat you and I don't want to spend my time being in the dumps. It's okay for people to worry about others, but for me, others are welcome to worry for me and I'll focus on other things. Just don't bring it up every time we meet in the hallway kinda stuff. I know some people that worry a lot and it's a bit much for me. I've never been too close to my family so telling them would be like re-inventing the wheel on relationships that we never had.
I'm still a bit bummed today. A lot has to do with exhaustion. Not much sleep last night due to work and no breaks today.
I liked the Stages of Grief. I've been thinking hard on that for a few weeks. I was never in the "Disbelief" phase. I kind of got through that with my W's MLC a while back. Anymore, I just accept what comes. I did find the stuff on depression interesting. It wasn't much, but I'm guilty of over-generalizing depression as people moping about. But just because I'm motivated to exercise regularly, stay focused on school and work, doesn't mean I'm not depressed.
In my ignorance, I thought "I don't care anymore" meant that I was in the "Acceptance" phase. OOPS! I'm going to have to re-evaluate my premis again.
I "Bargained" the first year into my W's MLC. I did that a lot. Over the last year I just went with whatever, but I'm easily bouncing between stages.
I think it's "Acceptance" that I crave to reach so that I can move on with my life. It makes sense, but I'll keep thinking on it before any final judgements.
Thanks everyone. I'm not angry today. Granted, it helps that my W is staying home with S6 while I get S12 to his game this evening. That is, if this darn pager can stop pestering me......
