You're looking for consistent moves on her part back towards the marriage.
Consistant moves start somewhere Starsky. And after the last month of the W ducking and diving - anything to be away from me. From doing anything for me. Seeing two in one evening when she wouldn't give me the time of day? I'd call that a start.
I won't apologize for giving it to you as straight as I see it. If you wanted someone to stroke your ego, you know I am not the person to do it. Now let me break down some of what you said above...
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Do you actually SEE a chance?
Does it matter what I see? No. I am just trying to get you to a place where you stop reacting with emotions.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Must I pack her stuff - against her Attorneys instructions not to evict her?
I never said to evict her. You wanted to shock her into reality, packing her stuff and leaving it by the front door may have done that. It would have shown her you were serious and backing that up with action.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
She just said "this won't look good on you as far as the Attorney will see".
A threat... Looking for anything to use against you.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
should have listened to you and if I had then I'd be in the dog house and the poo.
So what. Being in the dog house is nothing new, beats using your back as a welcome mat.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Serenity - she WASN'T like this when she was employed. This is a direct result of the company going bust. She's NOT normally like this. She wasn't when I met her either.
She was like this 3 years ago, she is like this today. I don't buy that it has to do with her losing her job. It may have had some affect on the situation, but it is not the only thing to pass the blame onto.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
How can I guide her into seeing where the problem actually does lie?
It isn't your job to "guide her" because no matter what you say, YOU are the bad guy, YOU will continue to be the bad guy in her eyes. It is YOUR fault her life is falling apart and it is YOUR fault she can't live the way she feels she is entitled to live. Accept the role, relish in it, but YOU have to make the decision to NOT allow it to deter you.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
I just can't be spontaneous in talking. It helps to put things in writing.
This I can understand because I am the same way. Writing allows me to articulate my emotions better... Write away, write a book for all that matters, just don't give the writings to her.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Bummer and now at a total TOTAL loss as to what to do. Because I got it wrong. No aims. No guidance. Just a stack of - you shouldn't have done that.
Ahhh my friend, that it just it. You have an aim, you have guidance... You just don't want to follow it. You want everything back to the way it was, wrapped up all nice and neat with a little bow and I am sorry but life does not work like that. I have gone back over your thread and between Starsky, Zig, and CB, you have all the guidance you need... You just have to make the decision to follow what is being said to you.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
No matter how kindly that was said Serenity. Depression looms.
(((((Hugs))))) Fight it... Get mad, hell get mad at me, but use it to propel your forward, don't use it to lie down and give up.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Hard to tell someone to leave when you legally can't. Hard to wait 24 hours for a reply when things are happening here and now - in the day when the rest of the planet sleeps. Hard to talk when your head's damaged. Everything is so damn hard.
No one said to tell her to leave, she was already at her Mom's, all that you needed to say was, "W, perhaps it is best that you stay there until you and I can sit down and discuss where this marriage is going." You two need to come together and discuss where each side sees this playing out. She may have expectations that you have no clue about. But you will never get to this place by rolling over and playing dead, when she acts like a petulant 3 year old.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Frightened to to do anything and frightened not to.
Pick a side, either do something or do nothing. Fear can also be a good thing, if you allow it.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Seeing two in one evening when she wouldn't give me the time of day? I'd call that a start.
A start would be seeing this behavior on a consistent basis... This just happened to be a good evening.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Oh. I may just get the chance to suggest she stays at the niece this weekend. My BIL is also hoping W will figure this out. He's not going to tell her what to do but he is going to let me know what he hears from her. That'll be "interesting".
It's so very strange that she's doing the rounds of the family. And not getting the support she expected. Bad family, naughty family.
W came home again last night after a long session at Netball.
This morning - lots of growling. "What have you done to my phone?". Answer was that Apple's activation server was down. W said she needed to work and she couldn't do without the phone. She said she would have to buy a Nokia.
She even called my work - a tech there said there was nothing wrong with the activation server - it must be a firewall. We don't have one! Our phones are running iOS 6 Beta. Her's hasn't been updated because she's been away - I told her that. A new image has to be downloaded - I'm late so I'll try to do it later. That went down well! I said NO CAN DO!!!!!
Mid morning I get a letter from her L asking for confirmation of the settlement proposal or address of my L. I've contacted mine with instructions to drag this out. Asked her to inform her L to stop bugging me. She said no (now she's fighting back BECAUSE I said no). She still wants a D. Seriously thinking of packing her bags now!
The W wants me to fix her phone as she's kicking me in the nuts? She's got another communication problem looming. Our company has killed the website that she's using for email.
Cut off twice.
So how's that my W. maybe your L can fix it all for you!!!
