Should I initiate R talk?

[Arsene]

Hi SA,

Yeah, I read a lot of stuff last night and I'm convinced that it is MLC and today just confirmed this even more.

First of all I had my first session in C and it was 4 hours long. A lot of stuff came out but i think that the poor C (Local person) was overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge I brought to the table (thanks to DB). She of course agreed to the course of action I had in mind (DB) and asked me to keep a journal of the progress I do on my 180s. I'm seeing her again next week.

I have to admit that after talking about all of this for 4 hours and crying my eyes out as new stuff came out, I actually felt pretty strong, and it's a good thing because I was about to be tested big time when i got home.

I'm still not sure where it stemmed from (although I have a theory)but on arrival, W told me she wanted a divorce.

Surprisingly, as i was fresh out of C, I didn't fall apart. I kept my head on and calmly asked her why, since she's already told me she wasn't going to seek a divorce.

She said she'd changed her mind and rambled on about not knowing how to act, about there being many gray zones and about her needing some sort of closure. She also said how difficult it was when interacting with people. She never knew what to say to them and how to answer their questions. She asked what was the point anyway since we weren't even friends anymore. She said that it would be best for both of us and that it would allow me to move on.

To this i replied that I understood how she felt, that I also often didn't know how to behave in her company or what to tell people. I explained that when ever I tried to behave normally I felt she was uncomfortable so i pulled away to give her space. I also said that I was fine and didn't need this to move on. To this I added that I personally didn't want a divorce and that it really didn't matter what we told people.

She then angrily brought up the issue about our financial discussion and how it hurt her when I said the things I said. I asked her if she'd read my reply (which she had) and validated her feeling and explained again how she actually helped me figure out this behavioral problem in me and how I was trying to sort it out. To this she said she didn't believe me. That these were just words.

Then she went on to say that it didn't matter, and that a divorce is what she wanted. She then added that we were totally incompatible and that there was no way she would ever want to be with me again.

To this I said that i wasn't sure what was going on because we had never actually talked about the reason behind our separation. I told her i didn't know anything about her situation, about how she was doing. She then told me simply that she was living in a boarding house and that she was seeing someone. I asked if it was the EA from 2 years before and she said yes. I said (gently) that I didn't agree with that and that I thought it was wrong but that there was nothing i could do about it. I then asked if OM was also seeking a divorce, she said she didn't know but that it didn't matter. I also asked her (again gently) to please not repeat the events of Saturday night when she got ready for her date in front of me. I told her that I felt she was being insensitive. She then jumped on the defensive, practically denying that she was getting ready to go on a date, simply saying that she had been sweaty all day and that she needed to shower and change before going home(of course i didn't ask why she put on make up and used mouth wash if she was simply going home - or why she felt the need to defend herself since she'd just admitted to seeing OM).

I asked her if she was talking to someone, if she was actually doing what she said she'd do and try to figure herself out. To this she answered that she was fine and didn't need any help. Then she asked why i didn't want a divorce and what I was hoping from this. She reiterated that she couldn't see herself ever coming back to me.

I told her I didn't want a divorce but I told her I'd need time to think about it. To this she agreed. And I left for a walk (to ball my eyes out). The whole conversation went very calmly and I never showed, my true feelings. Again poise is the word.

Can someone explain what happened? Why this sudden urge to get a divorce? What should i do about it? It feels to me that refusing would be seen as pursuing. I thought I might just take the time to check out divorce laws in this country and not bring it up again until she does.

What should i do now? Does this mean that what I'm doing is working or not working?