Oh boy! I was going to start a new thread but need to journal now. There is a lot going on in the land of 2TP!
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Since my last update, some important events have occurred. I completed my real estate licensing training last week and have applied for an inactive license until such time that I take and pass the licensing exam.
More importantly, from out of the blue, a consulting gig landed in my lap that will have me on assignment up in New England for the next 3 months. I mentioned before that I detest consulting. I still do. However, this assignment is unique in that the client is contracting for a stand-in operations manager which is right up my professional alley.
The pay is also amazing and when the consulting firm learned that they were interrupting my upcoming vacation plans, they decided to sweeten the pot considerably and so instead of a summer vacation, I will postpone plans until the winter. So Sunday I leave for the wilds of the state of Maine, just in time for the turning of the leaves and the harvest of some very tasty lobster!
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I may have mentioned previously that W and kids were going to visit the in-laws for the annual family gathering and for the first time ever, I was not invited. Well, this is the week of the visit. They've been gone since Wednesday.
The night before their departure, I was giving the boys hugs and kisses and admonishing them to behave themselves at their grandparents. W was sort of waiting off in the wings. When I was finished with the boys she came over and gave me a hug. I told her to have a good time and that was that. I suspect that my W's planned trip and the fact that I would be gone on my business trip was the reason why my W felt compelled to give me a hug goodbye. Anyway, I have not heard from anyone since they left. Until tonight that is.....
Before I go any further, I wanted to point out that a friend and I were talking the other day about the fact that my W's family visit, (first since bomb drop) combined with my extended absence, was very likely to shake things loose in the sitch.
W texts me at 11:30pm to inform me that she had a huge fight with her father and took a cab 40 miles to her sisters house. She goes on to explain that her father's TV stopped working after a severe thunderstorm but in his frazzled state blamed it on the boys which is what set off my W.
I don't recall ever seeing my W get into a fight with her father in all the years we have been together. So, this event is out of character but at the same time, doesn't really surprise me because of the underlying tension related to the sitch.
Two things my W said in her text seem to sum up just about everything that is manifested in her current struggle/journey:
He's treated me like a stepchild my entire life!
50 years of anger came out tonight!
I can't help but believe that everything that my W is struggling with and her need to be rid of me is centered upon issues she has with her father.
I find it odd too that she feels the need to reach out to me whenever she is in crisis, (i.e. her illness, her accident, her fight with her father).
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I almost forgot an incident that occurred last Sunday. I stopped by the house to take S10 to church. I noticed that the water level in the pool was low so I mentioned to W that she should put water in the pool so the pump wont burn out. After a little back/forth about how much water to add, she turned on the water and was to turn it off 30 minutes later. 7 hours later I discovered the water was still on, the pool was overflowing and I felt my anger and resentment begin to grow in me after a temporary hiatus.
It was during this time that I also noticed the air filters hadn't been changed in months, the boys continue to leave their garbage wherever they want and the house is in a general state of disarray.
As I was walking out to the garage my W calls after me saying something about the pool. I ignore her and keep walking then stop short, turn and tell her with tears streaming down my face, how incredibly upsetting it is to watch my house fall apart because I am not there to maintain it. I kept repeating that she had no idea how upsetting it is... Then after going into the garage I came to the decision right then and there that I needed to end it. I was ready to completely throw in the towel and file for D. I was done! And I would have told her had she not disappeared on me. Maybe she sensed that I was about to blow. Who knows....
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Anyway, my life continues to evolve and good things seem to be happening for me personally. More to come as things continue to develop.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Wow! 2tp, I haven't been keeping up on your sitch, but just read it now and am excited for you!
How wonderful to have the work opportunity in Maine at this time of year.
And, how interesting about the exchange between W and FIL. I've been reading "dance of anger" at the request of my IC and as a result decided to repair things with my father, which is going very well. Amazingly enough, it correlated with things suddenly getting better with my H and me.
I liked seeing your perspective about care of the house. I am left in our house with a large property and a pool and two boys. It's been a difficult struggle with maintenance although H always helps with something on his twice weekly visits. I didn't think about how deeply, for a man, the care of his house is. What you said really struck a chord with me. It's been hard to take care of everything when I've been so wrapped up in the grief of him leaving.
I, too, am planning on getting my real estate license. Things are slowly picking up in this area. School starts in a week and a half.
So let us know how things continue to evolve for you. Sounds like W really needs you even though she doesn't want to admit it.
I went back and read your post to me mid-July. I was in the midst of a serious two week depression. I surely appreciate your help to me then. Things are better for me now. I'm moving forward somewhat, detaching a little more (still working on that) and H is changing too.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Congrats on the sweet consulting gig! What a GORGEOUS time of the year to be up in Maine! I hope you truly enjoy it, and use the time to recharge your emotional batteries.
Your wife is going to likely pursue you during your time away. My advice would be to stay dim (not dark), and to keep it about the kids. If she tries to start R texts, e-mails or phone calls, I would advise a "We can talk about this when I'm back. Right now I'm trying to focus on the job assignment, and getting to know 2thepoint again, and figure out what he wants out of the rest of his life." (or something similar).
