For the anger, if it's intolerable, or if I can't get it out of my head, I try to work out. Otherwise, I try to understand where it's coming from, tell myself it's ok, and focus on what I want next. She left Friday night in a drunken tirade, and I still managed to put it aside, have dinner and play uno with the kids. Yeah, I was upset, but I didn't let the anger control me. I did what I wanted to do. I was really proud of myself, and honestly, had a blast with the kiddos. Sunday though, the anger worked a little more stealthy...I didn't realize I was letting it control me until after the fact. I didn't even realize I was mad until after the fact. I need to work on that more.
I have been thinking about the schedule since Sat and had kinda decided over the last few days that I'd just let it go for this week. She'll see the schedule as my need for control and I want to just roll with the flow for a week and see where she ends up. Weds I play golf (though I've been missing it due to heat) and she told me yesterday she'd take care of dinner that night, as well as take the kids for school supplies. A little later she said something that indicated she meant she would come over and stay here while I was out. It made me uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. Again, I thought we'd ride this week out, let emotions settle a bit, and then maybe have a sit down on schedules/boundaries over the weekend.
You know, the weirdest thing for me in all of this is that we have had the most honest, deep, patient, understanding, and productive discussions in the last year...more and more all the time. It's like we've figured out how to talk about stuff and share our feelings. But that resentment she has for the past, there's just no getting it past it for her. After church, she told me how she thought of me after the message...how me she's been hurting me for the last year and I just continued to love her. She sees it....she just refuses to do anything about it.
I agree that TIME is what we need. I am going to spend some time today thinking about a new hobby, or digging back into an old one.
