Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[labug]

I've read back over your posts again and you've gotten some very good advice from scared silly, GWN, others.

You are still very angry and we all get that, we've all had to figure out where that was coming from and move out of it. I am a controlling person. I thought I was helping people and fixing things and making life easier for them but I wasn't, I was trying to control.

I controlled because I was afraid of the uncertainties of life.

When I couldn't control things, I was extremely fearful and that came out as anger.

I blamed my anger on many things, mostly to do with my H. That didn't work so well. And it was unfair to him. Just because he didn't do things my way, didn't make him wrong but it did make me uneasy because I wasn't in control.

I can only control me.

I can't control my thoughts (emotions, anger) but I can take responsibility for my reaction to my thoughts. I can control that.

So I've had to really sit with my anger and tease out my feelings. Why am I angry? What is my fear here?

As you move through this experience you will survive and you can do even better than that, you can become a person you haven't even imagined. But it takes a lot of work and patience.

It also takes facing down your fears.

Drop the rope with H. Don't contact him unless you have to. Believe only 50% of what he says. Have no expectations of what he will or won't do. Don't worry about what he's doing. Create a new life without him as much as possible. He may turn around one day and see that you are no longer there, that you've moved ahead of him. He may decide he wants to pursue, he may not.

But at that point you'll have moved ahead and it may not matter to you.

You said you read HTIYMWTAI (How to improve...) What did you think about it? Did you see yourself and H in it? In what ways?

You're doing a good job of this-it's just d@mn hard.