WOW!!! Yes, I see depression and some acceptance of things... WOW... how awesome you were! WOW!! Hang in there. This is when it gets so hard for me... you see the light, you know it is there so you want and expect it all now... I get so impatient! But you can't. No expectations. Take it for what it was, absolutely no pressure. Be a friend (Okay, a very sexy, horny friend...).
You did so great!!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Not a whole lot to report. I did not hear from H from Sat after we went to the bank until Sunday night. Even though he was in town the rest of the weekend. He called Sunday night just for a brief minute. He talked to oldest son about his car. As far as I know H did not see either son during the weekend.
Monday morning he sends me a cute page to Get up!!! I respond happily that I was on my way to work and I hope he had a great day!
That has been the extent of our contact.
I am trying to go 2-3 days without contacting him.
I am really at a loss with this depression thing. While on one hand I think it is a step toward the end of the tunnel, I am starved for information regarding dealing with this new phase.
Anyone have stories or know of particularly good threads dealing with this? I have read most of HB's posts. Any different do's and don'ts here?
Water - does sound like full blown depression. Some thoughts: - keep letting him know that you can forgive and move forward. One thing I told my H at the time that he remembered was "you'll have to work through your issues sometime, why not here with me who loves you no matter what?".
- Don't pressure him for reassurance or positive comments. His head is so full of negativity right now - if you think what he says to YOU is negative, you should hear how he's berating himself!
- Be happy. The worst thing for a depressed spouse is to feel that he's making YOU depressed too. Act as if. I find that the happier, goofier, more cheerful I am, the more likely my H is to turn around out of a bad mood.
- Take him seriously. He is giving you some real warning signs here. He's telling you he's hitting bottom. Be there for him. Call and tell him you're coming to Seattle next weekend.
I would love to call and tell him I'm coming to Seattle. I have a free ticket, and he knows this. Would that be seen as pushing?
He was hesitant to see anyone this weekend as he didn't want to string me along.
During one conversation a week or so ago, I told him that I had received a package from VS and the "goodies" could only be worn in Seattle. He said, "don't you think your jumping the gun a bit"?
I don't want to push. Just know I'm here. Is it a good idea to let him know that I am soooo available?
I love this
Quote: you'll have to work through your issues sometime, why not here with me who loves you no matter what?".
Water: just to tell you it is amazing how you react to that depressive episode with your h in Ca...!!... you are marvelous, you learned all and i know you will continue doing it well... he has an angel to help him.... i hope in the meanwhile you really feel some kind of happiness by your own, ith your life... you deserve it... andrea
Quote: Is he really in depression? Do they waft back and forth?
Sure they do. And even though he's depressed, he may be feeling happy and grateful about the unconditional love and support you gave him this weekend.
Since he seems to like using the pages as a way to communicate, take this as a clue. My H loves it when I send him little emails or text messages - something I never used to do because I didn't want to "disturb" him at work. What I failed to understand was that Quality Time was his main love language, and sending those little messages during the day really helped him feel connected. So go ahead, send him some funny emails, short messages. Plan to go to Seattle. Make it fun - make up an imaginary identity for yourself (I was Princess Isabella at one point - my H still likes to call me Isabella ).
And yes - it's a very good sign that he is sending you those friendly messages. At the very least, he is thinking of you as a friend who was there for him last weekend.
and yes, depression can and WILL change a person on a daily basis, with manic depression like what my husband has? he can go thru changes in HOURS, in fact, he has had what they call "rapid cycling" epsisodes where he can suffer changes in just minutes
please continue to be patient...you will be rewarded in the end...
Water, How awesome that he is thinking about WHAT you are doing and then sending a text wishing you well... so... you are on his mind in the morning and the afternoon, and I would guess the evening, late morning, early afternoon... well, you get the picture.
SLOWLEE, SLOWLEE, CATCHEE MONKEE as the bb phrase goes
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Hi Water, You are doing a really good job!! I have depression-yes, it changes daily, hourly, minutely (tee hee)! It is a CONSTANT struggle. Somedays easier than others. Sometimes debilitating, sometimes conquerable. It is very hard for b/c I push people away, tire people out, and feel like a burden. I am trying really hard to act as if as usually acting turns into feeling.
I would suggest that you continue doing what you are doing-be there for him, but DO NOT pressure him AT all. I know it's hard b/c you have needs/wants too, but give him all the time and space that he needs and accept him for it. Don't try to give him pep talks as IMO they make people feel worse. My mom used to always say, "think about the crippled people or people who are worse off than you..." and it MADE ME FEEL WORSE. I just wanted to feel UNDERSTOOD and VALIDATED. Not feel bad for feeling bad, ya know?
Perhaps you should back off on the sexual stuff and making comments to him as they seem to set him off.
).