Fighting against fears and nightmares

[Some Day]

Wow, Ctflor. I've been reading your posts, and I must say that I can relate on so many levels. We are now 5 months since I discovered he had rekindled the affair with OW and 2 months since I learned that when we were separated he also had a sexual relationship with another woman. So I have thoughts of two women constantly popping in my head. They often turn up in my dreams, or a song, TV show, something that is said, etc. This happens to me pretty much on a daily basis and I hate it. The thing is, H has been doing all of the right things and we are probably closer now than we have ever been in our marriage.

But the fear is constant. Although he has not given me reason to think this, sometimes I think that he will start up a new affair or rekindle one with one of these women and pick up and leave like he did last time. I know that this time I would be much stronger and I know that I could live and even thrive without him. But the fear of going through this again can be paralyzing at times.

It's like a little piece of me says not to surrender my whole heart to him for fear of another betrayal. I don't know how long it will take me to get past this. I pray that things will ease in time, and like you say, I can "feel the peace."