sg - so nice to hear from you. and of course, life gets in the way often.
about your comments on meeting other db'ers - was that because we talked about getting together someday to celebrate? i wasn't sure if i wrote something specific about it that you brought it up?
Keep your focus on the things that are most important to you.
yes, i've recently realized that i have too many things and feel overwhelmed by trying to be better at then all at the same time. so i need to make a new list and scale down so that i really focus on 2 or 3 things, as adinva suggested so i feel a sense of accomplishment more easily
I don't see your actions flip flopping, but sometimes the words are...you question yourself. That's ok.
I know, I see that too, and i recognize the old pattern within myself. when i feel encouraged i stay with a very PMA, when i get discouraged or things don't seem to be going well in the moment, then old resentments rise and i find myself thinking very negatively not only about the past but also about the future with h.
But i'm leased to say that in the last few days working on forgiveness and letting go - both of the past and of the future outcome, i am becoming much much more consistent in not boomeranging around as i used to. when things go not so well, i find myself starting to get discouraged but almost immediately just letting it go and seeing it as part of the whole WAS picture and saying don't read this incident as a prediction of the worst.
I think right now you should look at....if you and he were building your love again...how would you know? What would be the very next step? What would he be doing?
This ^^^ is where i get really stuck - and could really use your help.
I find myself sort of giving up - on one level - he's said a month ago he was going to file, and when i try to think about what building our love might look like - all i see is him fighting like hell within his mind to not turn towards me again.
he told me months ago 'i'm in love with you, but i am going to fight those feelings as hard as i can till they go away"
i know what you are telling me is to envision what it would look and feel like for him to turn towards me again. i think i know - but am to afraid to imagine it, for some reason right now -
maybe the problem is that i am trying to do both - let go and detach but also try to do what Joann says to do. my dilemma is how can i do both at the same time?
can you help me to refine the stance i should take?
Revise your goals/actions. See how they match TO DATE.
yes i will do that
he just came back from his trip with ow yesterday - i guess i'm waiting to see where he's at, before setting new goals?
he did come over with s today - and both ends of the spectrum in his conversation - half of it was clearly implying one thing, half was the other. when we talked about my work etc it was like you should do this and this so you're prepared to file singly next year on your taxed. when it cam ego looking at some money stuff - we this, we that.
then the looks - trying to stay physically away - but constant appraising glances and "checking" me out as if he couldn't keep his eyes off me.
so i feel very confused - about how much to flirt etc.
i did have a very positive interaction with him the entire time - and i know he felt a bit confused and uncomfortable. we had a "peach" moment - he loves peaches - never seen anyone who loves peaches that much. i called him and s into the kitchen just before they left and all 3 of us ate the most perfect peaches together. i could see the confusion in his eyes - here i was offering him his most favorite thing and it was hard for him to truly enjoy it. it wasn't something i had preplanned in anyway - it just happened.
i'm not sure how he's going to be - he usually has been a bit withdrawn after his meetings with her and more determined - so will have to see where he's at and then decide .
i will make a new revised set of goals now, over the next couple of days. at least for now, i think it's better for me to focus on myself more than on the sitch
thanks sg - so glad you are on my side. if we could talk a bit more on the details of the position i'm taking, i think it could help me to define where i am. the confusion and unease come from not always knowing the parameters within which i should be working
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
