Maybe a change in his job would be a good change for him, and he may not feel the need to make other drastic changes in his life.
I always look forward to reading your posts, and hope for positive updates from you.
I actually had a pretty good weekend. No funny stories, only some distant and strange behavior. Am seeing more and more of my H, but trying to keep expectations at zero.
Hope you had a good weekend too
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
That reminds me of a cute conversation I had with a co-worker of H's & mine many years ago.
He told me that he said to his W, "Honey, I've had the same job for over 7 years, had the same W for over 7 years, and had the same car for over 7 years. Something has to change.".
She said, "let's go car-shopping".
Yes, GAL, maybe a job change would be good. A fresh new outlook. And a NORMAL schedule!?!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I liked your story! Your post made me think of doing changes to bring about change during this time.
I have realized that sometimes changes only have to be something small and don't even have to be anything that has to do with us personally.
Something I did was paint our family room. This is something I have wanted to do for years, but was hard to do with the kids. I finally made the decision I was going to do it. I arranged child care and set the date. I told H the only thing he needed to do was carry the ladder up from the garage for me. Initially, he showed no interest in the project. But, then he started asking questions, including what color I was painting it. He ended up helping me pick out a color.
Once the room was painted, my H surprised me by how excited he was about it. Kept saying it made the room feel different. And since he spends a lot of time in there (where he sleeps!) , it seemed to make him happy and even energize him.
He then began making a to do list and doing some things around here. As things are getting done and our house is changing, I see a slow change in him as well. More contentment. Some pride in getting things accompolished. Talk about a butterfly effect!
Think of something fun and exciting you can change today!
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
GB, does H look good with all the weight he has lost? Or too skinny?
I apologize if I post on the wrong thread at the wrong time. I'm trying to keep up with you and tvs on these threads and a couple other sitches separately.
How nice to have glorious weather. So your H relaxes more on the weekend but then seems burdened with work? It does seem a change would be in order.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Sorry guys, i missed these posts, I was still on page 2 (brain is scrambled..too much hanging out with an Alien!)
I like the idea of making changes too. Especially trying new clothes that I would not usually wear. (Saw that on your thread RH). I'm going to put some thought into what I can do as well to spice things up around here. Too much depression and anxiety going on.
TVS...H is down to the same weight he was when he was 25 (he is now 54)..yes he looks good, but I never really thought he looked too bad with some weight on either. He starting smoking 10 months ago after giving it up 20 years ago. How MLC is that??? What an idiot! The whole world is trying to give up and H takes it up!!!!
Yes H is much better when he is not at work. He obsesses about it. I really would love it if he could work normal hours. I've had a very lonely marriage, but stuck with it out of love and in the hope that we could finally spend time together travelling etc, now that the family is older. Funny, I did tell H when he was still talking D a while back, that I didn't see myself being alone for the rest of my life. As I had spent most of my marriage by myself, I would be actively seeking out another partner if we divorced. He had tears in his eyes.
Hope I don't offend anyone with the smoking comment. I used to smoke too but there is no way I would take it up after 20 years, no matter how bad things get. Funny he won't take a pill for his depression because that is "evil". Smoking is much better for you.
Interesting post GB. Doesn't make sense about the smoking. I sure wasn't offended about the smoking. I think the 2x4's here seem to be about not using DB techniques. I'm sure I deserve a few 2x4's myself.
It could be any other habit. When my H and I were drinking wine at the end of February and planning his three month separation (!) he said he wanted to try some shocking things I can't post about here. I just tried to be relaxed about it and say non-condemning comments. Meanwhile in my mind I was screaming "you are kidding me!"
So your H doesn't talk D any more?
Do you feel your M was overall happy despite the erratic work schedule?
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
RH..Funny you should say that about the shocking things! I initiated ML with my H a while back. You can read about it on my thread. It was so aggressive and so unlike him. I haven't wanted to initiate it since. OMG I just don't understand.
No..H has not mentioned D since our conflict a while back. (On my thread). It was after the ML incident and my telling him about my plans to move away and find another relationship. I also threw the D back at him and told him to go right ahead. I was sick of his threats. He did a double take. I've never heard about it since. Apparently though he told his parents that he tried to take me to the lawyer and I refused. That's a Lie!! I can't say for sure if he's confused or just making up stories to save face in front of his parents. BTW I'm so upset with them because I've known them as long as H and they have not even phoned me or the kids up to find out how we are?? Blood is thicker than water.
My H started this rollercoaster about D, 12 months ago and has put me through hell. We reconciled a few times and things were great. Prior to that I thought we were going really well. His comments about being unhappy came totally out of the blue. These last 12 months I had been trying to address his concerns and stepping on egg shells. When I said something about his smoking it set him off on a rage which created the latest conflict 3 months ago. That's when he said there was no changing his mind and he would go through with the D. Also when I started to DB. Wish I had known about it earlier instead of being at his beck and call.
I read on your thread that you have been very upset about your H's latest D talk. I wish I was more experienced and was more confident to advise you. I know it helped when I validated my H's comments and indicated to him I was moving on. That was when he stopped the D talk.
Can you tell my what is 2x4? Not sure about that one.
GB, your sitch sounds so trying! I'm so sorry it's so hard!
I think the 2x4 thing is when people tell you that you messed up! That's the best thing I could figure. Like not using the right DB techniques or offending others I guess.
I see a lot of varying opinions of what works and doesn't even within the framework of the agreed upon 37 rules. I enjoy the back-and-forth discussions I read.
How difficult with the inlaws for you. My IC says that R with them always gets strained in these sitches.
My MIL has also cutoff all contact with me and the boys and is urging H to D. I think it's so sad she has to deny herself the pleasure of a R with her grandchildren. She has only one other grandchild -- her deceased daughter's child. You would think she would hold onto all the family she could but ... no. I have totally detached from her issues as well. It's her loss.
The loneliness is really tough. I know. I'm so glad you found the forum, too!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
RH..I'm mad about your MIL. I don't expect them to take sides..but to encourage D!!! Does she realise what is at stake???? My MIL had two affairs and her H still took her back. He has been a loyal and loving H who takes very good care of her. I don't think she ever realised what she has (and still doesn't). I think my H takes after her. They have always been very close. She is a tough case and doesn't think her son can do any wrong. Its only ever been about what makes her son happy...not ever about taking responsibility. I don't think she ever regretted her affairs. She always did what she wanted.
My parents don't even know what's happening in my R. They are aging and have their own health problems. They would be absolutely devastated if they knew. I refuse to worry them about it and couldn't break their hearts like that. There has never been a divorce in my immediate family.
Please excuse my venting here and its only my my side of the story. Geeze RH I am speechless about what you said.
