oh and i had a thought today that just sort of blew my mind. it was while i was "thinking about wanting h back" and suddenly it hit me "zig - you think that you will be much happier if h comes back, but have you noticed that while he's away, you have had the happiest moments in your ENTIRE life, even from all the yrs before you met him?"
and i just stood there smiling and relishing what i had just become aware of - that because of all my inner work and growth and opening my heart to the world, i am ALREADY much much happier than i ever was. so my new goal is to just accept that for now and be fine with it.
