H depression was bad last night. He told our old friends that he was done with life and if he dies at least I get more insurance money than he could ever make working.

He's smoking a pack or 2 at time of cigarettes lately.

I WANT him to leave, but I can't tell him, because I don't want to make that decision easy for him. He's has a child's mind and he's afraid. I refuse to be his strength to leave me.

I DON'T WANT him to leave, but that is based on hopes of my real H making an appearance.

I need counseling. My friend just kept repeating "I don't now how you do it" that's not helpful.

Through his MLC brain he thinks and then says crap out of his mouth. "I don't want to get better. I don't want the family life. I don't want to be a father". Then he looks at me and says "I'm afraid".

I need a vacation!!!! And, friends!

The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!