so i have a question that i hope someone can answer. i cannot afford a L. i am not really fighting my wife for anythin on the D. i talked to her for a few minutes last night and she told me i have 2 weeks to respond to the D papers. i have no idea what this means and neither did she. if i dont it defaults. does anyone know what this means and what i am supposed to do? thanks.
Hopefully you get some better input, but I did talk to an attorney a week ago and it sounds similar. In my state, once it's started, we get 30 days to respond to the filing. At this point, we have the option to agree to the terms, or take exception to them. Then I think a hearing is set to discuss, which is usually 3 months out. If we can't agree at the hearing, then a court date is set, which is usually another 3 months out.
My L said that she recommended I hire someone to review the documents regardless, because W's attorney is only looking out for W, and even if we agree on everything, sometimes things can be swayed towards one party. For example, there's a formula in my state for maintenance/support....my L said that there's enough wiggle room in it that you can make it what you want, to a point. It's not black and white.
Even if you can't hire L for the whole thing, maybe you can get an hour of their time and have them review the doc for you? There also may be some legal aid available, or Father's for Equal Rights, or something similar. Check around.
so i have a question that i hope someone can answer. i cannot afford a L.
I don't know what assets you have, such as real estate, pension or retirement accounts, or if there are children. If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then imo, you cannot afford to NOT have a lawyer.
Don't be penny wise and pound foolish. i am not really fighting my wife for anythin on the D. then you can expect her to get what she wants and for you not to.
IS that fine w/you?
i talked to her for a few minutes last night and she told me i have 2 weeks to respond to the D papers. i have no idea what this means and neither did she.
she SAID she had no idea what it means. Do you believe her? I"m asking sincerely. What are you basing your belief on? Does she have a history of candor and honesty on these issues?
if i dont it defaults. does anyone know what this means and what i am supposed to do? thanks. Default means, in effect, you lose. If someone makes a claim in court, and the other party does not respond, then they "Default" which is like agreeing to the other party's claim. It's conceding it to her.
You can show up to represent yourself and argue your case if you want.
That is always always better than not showing up at all, and then "Hoping" a judge will magically know what you want and then, without ANY evidence on your behalf, somehow rule fairly. It won't happen.
You need a lawyer and if you insist on saying you cannot afford one, then at least show up yourself.
IF you write up something w/your wife, then hire a lawyer for 2 hours to review the agreement you have, and see what they think. Do not "wing" this.
But if you show up to represent yourself (& I must stress, that NOT showing up at all - is the worst choice you can make)
then speak respectfully when it's your turn, and LISTEN to what the judge says.
Respond to what he/she asks. Don't veer off or attack your w or bring up things that are NOT relevant to the question asked.
It's fine to say you were "hoping for a reconcilation" b/c that's relevant. Presumably your w will SAY she does not have that hope,
but that should not be a shock.
Dakota
Dakota, are there no property issues, no children and no marital assets at all?
IF that is the case, then I'd still want something written up so she can't claim rights to future property of yours.
Just a thought.
I once had a client (a friend of a friend) who needed a huge favor from me. She wanted me to do her boyfriend a favor and wanted me to go to court w/him b/c he was in a bad position, had no money, ETC.
big sob story about how his ex wife wanted it all and he could not afford to pay, & he was getting screwed, etc.
So I show up at court, FOR FREE...and HE does NOT show up! I'm there at court with NO client. It's the only time that ever happened to me and it was a FAVOR for a friend...geez...so guess what?
I track him down and eventually find him (at her place) and he says "Oh I couldn't get to court (or call me??) B/c IF I miss work I'd lose my job"...and my truck and blah blah blah"
What a fool
So he "forgot" to show up OR TELL ME
so then there's a bench warrant out there for his arrest b/c if you don't show up when you are issued a summons, that's what happens in that situation, and he HAD to serve time in jail mandated will lose his job for sure and his car AND his future pay will be garnished so he loses on all counts. The rest of his life he gets to say he's served time in jail..brilliant choice of his.
AND he mortified ME and he sure cannot ever ask another favor of me either.
I only say this to show how stupid his reasoning was about not wanting to lose his job==it was all short term discomfort he wanted to avoid but now he's got a ton of more serious problems.
I think he was afraid to go to court and dumped it all on ME and he was so wrong.
He lost ALL of the things he was obsessed about losing, and for what? To keep a job he now lost for sure? To keep a truck he can't pay for while in jail?
To keep seeing his kids-can't see them at all in jail now...
it's an extreme but real example of someone who wanted to save a few bucks ---but lost it all...and used up major points w/me and got a judge very angry.
Since you have a computer you ought to look up the word "Default" so you'll know for sure what it means. You can also research SOME of the questions you raise in your post. But really if there is ANY property or an inheritance you expect someday, I'd want to hire a L for a few hours. IT's like insurance.
THere are also legal resources you can use. And a niche market of "father's rights" is growing in the divorce area but they don't work for free.
I have found that when I work pro bono (meaning I don't charge) I usually get clients who will do nothing for themselves, but want miracles to be done on their behalf. It backfires on me and them.
But clients who make a payment plan and make an effort, can DO just FINE. I'm not giving you legal advice b/c it's malpractice to do that--and I don't know you, or have enough information even if I wanted to...
but I am urging you to hire a lawyer at least for an hour or even half an hour. IF you do that, have your questions written in advance and ask the L's.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
thank you very much. i understand the malpractice thing. that is a good idea to hire a lawyer for an hour or two. we have no assets. kids yes. she has already had temp custody written up by her lawyer. 50/50. i have signed it. i know how to behave in court. i have alot of experience there. criminal unfourtanetly. i will research what you said. i do not qualify for legal aid. i make to much. just barely. i cannot hire a lawyer because i dont have $2000 lying aroumd. W cleaned out the bank when she left. she really doesnt want anything according to the papers. i dont have anything anyway. lol i have called every L in town and no one will do a payment plan without serious money down. so i am going to show up and be heard. thats all i can do. down the road who knows. i might be able to change custody if i feel it is needed. i am not however wanting anymore than 50/50. i do not want to take their mom away from them. that is a special R that i firmly believe in.
i succeed because i am willing to do the things you are not. i will fight against the odds. i will sacrifice. i am not shackled by fear, insecurity or doubt. i feel those emotions-drink them in, then swallow them away to the blackness of hell. i am motivated by accompishment, not pride. pride consumes the weak- kills their heart from within. if i fall- i will get up. if i am beaten- i will return.i will never stop getting better. i will never give up- ever.
that is why i succeed.
i have been reading this quote for a long time. thats what not falling means to me jack3beans.
I have not read your sitch so I don't know the m issues.
But I hope you will consider reading, with a ruler, LINE BY LINE, the agreement you signed and or are thinking of signing. The fact that you don't know what default means (and she claims not to know what the response timeline is, bothers me).
Know the agreement, inside and out. Understand every sentence and then imagine if things go wrong
or change
AND ASK...how will that clause be affected?
Yes it's tedious to do, but it's crucial. Besides you ought to KNOW it.
Frankly, it ought to be done for EVERY single legal document you sign, including real estate deals and your contracts, etc and I'm so surprised at the number of "normal" people who don't! No wonder we L's get to charge so much...(sorry)
I do wish you well.
And when it comes to custody of the kids, think of them first, yourself second, and then your wife. You have to do this b/c the kids do come first and YOU are second
b/c she's putting herself ahead of you and someone, like YOU, ought to put you before her. If not you, then who?
Good luck and I'm sorry you are here.
If you want, you can post your wife's suggested agreement, in your own words OR words you don't understand,
to see what others think. Not for "legal" advice, per se,
but for input into what others think is fair or worth fighting for.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
thank you. i really dont know thar she is out to get me. i do put my kids 1st. before anything else. dont bother readin my sitch. boring with lots of dumb crybaby stuff on my part. i have read the divorce papers. a few times. there is pretty much nothing in there. it is so generic i am surprised it came from a lawyer. that being said. i am looking out for me so i can care for my children. i will post a bit of it so people can comment. no "legal" advice tho..lol
