They are stuck at a younger age of development and this might be why it takes them so long to grow up
Some never do grow up and keep making the same decisions until... they change... And even for those that do, there is a huge time and learning gap where they "left". I notice it with my ex many times in the brief exchanges of email regarding the kids. It's as if she thinks of the kids as being 10 and 12. Where she left them. It's as if she isn't sure what world she is in. It's as if she has a harder time remembering the perspective that led her to leave like her a** was on fire and her head was catching That's how it must need to be.
We aren't in the same place as when they left but sometimes they seem to think we are. Like the broom they left in the closet when they ran away and left home. I moved the broom to a better place
It's why we always say that if they are to reconnect, it is so much harder if there is another person on the scene. Causes a difficult dynamic. The boards are riddled with people who left and then tried years later only to find that world was long gone and so was the person they left behind.
The lesson to me is that in my future relatioships and in my life, to always enjoy each day as the gift it is. With or without my family unit intact, each day truly is a gift as are the things I've learned and re-learned (I knew much of it before but it never hurts too much to have a reminder, right?)
Upside, glad to hear you are doing well and still moving forward. Stay well!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
That's how it must need to be. 
