Gonna be a rough couple of weeks as we try to come to some agreement on visits and such. We had agreed to go to church as a family this morning and she just popped in unannounced to get something. It took us all of about 3 mins to get into an argument about her telling OM "I love you." I got the definite impression it had turned into a PA. I am so hurt and angry right now, I don't want to see her or talk to her. She was miffed when I wouldn't sit next to her at church, and further irritated when I was short with her after. I think she has it in her head that we can just be friends and co-parent. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Co-parent yes...but tolerance is about the best I think I can do outside of that.
I want my marriage to work, but no longer can it be on her terms. I realize now that she's been cake eating for at least 6 months, maybe longer. She has had me to take care of everything at home while she's done what she wanted. She knew how much I wanted this to work, so she took advantage of it instead of embracing it. I feel kinda dumb.
I'm really struggling today. I think I will pack the rest of her things up so that that visit can be as short as possible. I'm considering filing for D myself right now...I know that goes against everything I've read, and everything I've wanted, but I'm conflicted right now because of the hurt. I want it to be over. I want to be loved and accepted, and I don't want to continue to hear about all the bad things I've done and how that made her do all the bad things she's done.
I think we had such an opportunity here to teach our kids something great. Marriage vows are important. You can work thru your problems. You can choose to forgive, you can choose to love. Family is first. I've tried my best to represent those things to my kids, but my W has decided to show them the other side of the coin.
