Shoes?!?? Really?? Who gives a flying f--- about that shoes? Besides the two of you, that is..
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I'm making things intentionally hard for her. This is what she wants so she has to do the leg work.
I want her to do everything. I want her to bare the full burden of her choices. I know that if I start the paper work she will use me as the villain to her friends.
So... you do care. That's good to know and have in the open. I think part of what I see is that you two have been in a battle of wills for a very long time. Reminds me of reading the hatfields and mccoy stories. Keep fighting until one day nobody realizes who started it or why.
But back to the point.
You are angry. Both of you are hurt. You have been waging "war" for a very long time. Perhaps prior to her walking away? Perhaps long before then. Her leaving is not going to set you free. In fact, her doing anything is not going to set you free at all.
You won't be free until you realize you are the one holding yourself prisoner. For as long as you continue to take part in this battle on an emotional level, you are not free.
As for parenting together or apart? Don't "punish" your ex via the kids. Please don't do that and don't ever consider doing that. You may not agree on things. It may be distasteful. It may seem to send the "wrong" message to the kids at times, but there is absolutely no reason to be independent parents of the kids. No matter how it seems to be affecting the kids or not, you know they always watch
Parent the kids together as best you can. Agree that you will not agree. Make the attempts. How many times? As many as it takes my friend. As many as it takes no matter what it takes.
When she can no longer hurt you, you can parent together more easily. But don't wait for that time - set aside your years of warfare when it comes to them.
Don't waste your time making things hard on her, RT. If you don't care, then let her go find somebody who does. If you care, let her find her own way. But either way, don't make it hard, nor make it easy. Just let her do what she is going to do and stay out of the way.
My advice anyway. Based on what I've done and seen, you'll thank me much later...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
