Should I initiate R talk?

[Arsene]

Trying to regain strength anyway I can. No comments on this site so I was chatting a bit with a good friend online, and of course, she tells me to wake up and get out of this relationship.

I don't know anymore. What if I'm wrong? What if I'm just telling myself stories because I can't accept that she simply walked out on me because I was no good. But that's not true!!!

I have always been a good husband. Maybe I didn't know exactly how to love her but then again, all of this started a few years back, while I was going through a depression. Neither of us knew what i was going through and I guess she thought I'd changed permanently to an angry, criticizing, judgmental, manipulative monster. Maybe these traits were in me, in fact, I am sure they were/are but my depression brought them to the forefront and I gave her a few years of not so good attention. She said I pushed her to the point where she was always afraid to let me down, to disappoint me. I can see that. I can work on that. I wish she'd engaged in a discussion instead of simply giving up on us, on our great little family.

And now this. The quasi-certainty that there is OM (women don't use mouth wash to go out with other women - she's never used mouth wash before) is now consuming me. WTF! I suspected it so why is this so hard to take? Who was i kidding?
Besides, as I said before. the worst thing that could happen already did. She left me. I have to move on. GAL. 180. I've got a list of things I want to do and I guess I'm working on them but with taking care of D8 full time, I've only got her school time (7-12) to do stuff. Besides, not only has my circle of friends in this city gone down since i last lived here but today i lost my cell phone with all my contact info.

When it pours...

Is that me feeling sorry for myself again? Sorry about this rambling on. I just need to let it out, somehow.

Anyone???