You are driving yourself crazy by over analyzing and mind reading about everything your W says or does. Believe me, it will get you no where. You can't make sense of crazy.
Put your focus on where it will do the most good, YOURSELF and your D.
The only thing you can control in this sitch is you. Leave your W to her choices and the consequences of those choices.
Work on you. Build your self esteem. A confident man is very attractive. I agree with you that having a job will go a long way toward that. IMO taking a teaching job now doesn't necessarily have to mean that you can't pursue your dream of being a musician. It may take some time but at least you will be more financially secure as you do so.
Your D8 is the most important consideration in all this. Do your level best to never be negative about your W to your D. She needs to be secure in the fact that both parents love her. There could be times you will have to fill in the gaps that your W may leave concerning your D. Live in the now. The past is gone and no one knows what the future holds. Take care of yourself and your D in the very best way possible.
Moving forward doesn't have to mean moving on. You have the choice to keep the path home lit and smooth for your W if she wakes up enough to realize what she's done and wants to move towards home, and if you decide to let her run to catch up.
Strive every day to be the kind of man only a fool would leave.
Hang in there. I promise this does get easier if you let it.
