Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[labug]

Pissed off, really pissed off. H has been off getting his new place ready "for S". He hasn't laid eyes on S for for well over 36 hours. And it seems that, from his phone call just now, he has no clue what he intends to do when it comes to our S. He's been busy getting his place ready for S to come over.

Perhaps he has a clue, just not one he's sharing with you. And with the anger that comes out later, I'm could see why he's not sharing with you especially if this is more of the same from the past.

I felt obligated to ask it the "plan" to make this a slow transition using the ruse that he is remodeling the new place to now it's going to be fully set up and "ready" for him.

Why did you feel obligated to ask? Is this an old dynamic playing out?

Silence then H says I don't know. Tried to brainstorm the said he didn't know again. I said I don't know either.

Why did you try to brainstorm?

What would a 180 be here?

So WTF, what a jerk! If I have even thought to act the way he is right now, regardless of the situation, there would have been all out war. ALSO I thought this was for a little time and space to think and decompress. WTF!!!

I I think I handled it ok but F&*$ I'm pissed. I so want to lay into him. He's the one that wanted to keep this from S as much as possible. He won't even talk to S on the phone right now. JERK!!!

It's OK to be angry just don't react from that anger.

But what are you really angry about? Really?

As far as handling it well, I'm sure your emotions came thru to him loud and clear. Those of us who want to control others use inflection and tone like a weapon.

No contact is also for you to protect yourself and get a handle on your emotions.

How do I proceed?

With what?

Damn him, who the hell is he, what is he thinking. Our S is 6, he expected me to suck it up and deal, well MFr, SUCK IT UP! Our S is supposedly the most important thing in the world to him and he's willing to do this to him???

What is he doing to him?

Has your H been a good father? Has your S always been safe around him in the past?

You have a lot of anger, really dig down deep and find out what that's about. Anger usually comes from fear and hurt, think about that.

Your H's relationship with S is not yours to make better or to make worse. They will figure it out on their own. It might not be the R you would want or need but that's not your worry.

They will figure it out.

HOW DO I DO NC WITH A CHILD? SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASE. I CAN"T DEAL WITH THIS CRAP. DO I STOP MC? AM I OBLIGATED TO PROVIDE INFO ABOUT S THAT ISN'T VITAL? DO I PROVIDE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS HAPPENING IN S's LIFE?

I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!

You're not obligated to do anything.

Some share info only in the case of an emergency and having to do with pick-ups and drop-offs. Sounds like that might be best for you right now. Text or email.

I think you're feeling really out of control of the situation and it's making you anxious. Think about that, really think about it. Is that driving your anger, your fear?