Obsessive fears, creeping back in at times. I wake up some mornings lately, feeling short of breath, anxious, and worried. Mostly worried that he's going to sail right back to where he was last summer. I feel as if there are times, it is difficult to control the fear and I end up feeling like a wreck inside. I cried again the other day when a song came on the radio, bringing last summer back again. This is kind of the second melt down I have had since the 4th of July. Our MC assures us that this is normal and that it will improve over time, and H will hold me and reassure me through these moments that overwhelm me. Sometimes it feels strange to get such support from the very person that caused me this level of hurt. Sometimes, I find that I still have not completely forgiven his actions.
I worry that if this goes on for too long, it will affect our relationship but, h seems to have an understanding and a patience that this is something he wants to work through so we can "get back to where we were"
And that is just the thing. We are never going to be the way we were. We are different now, and we cannot go back. But sometimes he thinks that once we work through my fears and some of the emotional trauma, that we will be back to 'normal' again.
Something I really need to address in MC in a week.
Other than these moments of anxiety that have been creeping in, things are going pretty good with our R.
