Thank you everyone for you comments and support. Although I don't Come here often anymore, this board has brought me much comfort over the years I have been dealing with my situation.
I've actually been doing fairly well considering all. I'm still on a little bit of rollercoaster but it is nothing like what I was going through 5 years ago. I hate coming home to an empty house all the time but there has been something missing for a long time regardless of my xh being there.
My xh and I have exchanged a few emails recently. Any comments that I made on an emotional level, he just ignores with the exception of a comment that I made about us possible being friends someday. He replied that we will be friends no matter what happens between us. Really??? He keeps everything all business but thinks we can be friends. Not interested right now.
So, my xh was supposed to come by last weekend to get his things that he had at my house but he texted me and told me he "forgot" so he is supposed to be doing this weekend...we'll see if he shows. How does someone forget something like that? I am out of town until tomorrow so hopefully he will get everything before I return.
I happened to find some old emails today from a couple of years ago...and the illustrate perfectly that nothing has changed....
From my xh... Hey I left my phone at home today…..I saw your message and am glad you are doing ok……I miss you.
My reply... I'm not really sure how to reply to you. If you want to know if I miss you too, sometimes I do but I have accepted that you don't want what I want and that we are moving forward with the divorce. I do sincerely hope that you find the happiness and peace that has been eluding you for so long. For the most part, I am happy now (with the exception of dealing with sometimes-cranky teenagers). I would still like to find companionship but figure that will happen when the time is right.
From my xh... So what is it that you want? I think we all want companionship
From me... What do I want? I want someone like the man I married who looked forward to spending time with me, wanted to take care of me, appreciated the things I did for him and who loved me despite my imperfections. I want a man that is committed to me, not someone who is there just when he feels like it. I want someone who is willing to discuss whatever is bothering him and not bury it inside or run away because he doesn't want to deal with it.
My xh's reply... Most of that is still me---its being a true equal partner though---- with mutual issues and similar dreams and aspirations---I still love you-- think you are amazing and am moving forward because that is what you want---by the way I told some people I was still interested in my old job--Xxxx is probably out in the month
Re-reading these emails just confirmed for me that nothing changed. He is still stuck after all these years. I believe he still loves me someway, somehow but it wasn't enough then and it isn't enough now.
