Should I initiate R talk?

[Arsene]

I've been trying to get through with my day and it's hard t stay focused. I've got these great resolutions but I'm finding hard to keep them.

The main thing I feel right now is anger. So much anger, and pain. I tried meditation this morning but i wasn't able to get my mind off things. I'll try again later on today.

The thing that worked is when I did my exercise. I pushed myself hard and channeled my anger that way. The thing is, having not slept at all last night, my energy level doesn't allow me to do this all day.

A friend's given me some sleeping pills so I'll try tonight if i can't fall asleep. I don't really want to though but I need to get some sleep or I won't last.

I've been forcing myself to eat even though I'm not hungry. It's a good thing I've got D8 to take care of. It forces me to take care of myself.

W text this morning, overly happy (Good morning Arsene! Can you tell D8 to charge her phone? Thx. Have a nice day!). I now realise that she got D8 the phone so she wouldn't have to go through me to talk to her. I guess that's good, for all three of us. I replied as cheerfully as her (Good Morning W. It's charging now. Have a nice day!)

I'm going to a mall with D8 and some friends of mine(with kids)to set the kids loose in a playground this afternoon. There will be some people there i don't know so it'll help me avoid R talk with my friend. This is good. I need some time off.

If anyone has a trick to help me sleep that doesn't involve pills, I'm listening.

I hope someone answers soon. I'm desperate for input on my sitch. This hurts much more than i thought it would. I think I just crossed the line from denial/bargaining into full on anger. I've got to regain control of my emotions. I can't let the kid see me like this. She already heard me mumble stuff (not very nice stuff about W) but I'm pretty sure she didn't hear what I said. She didn't look like she did. I got to regain control. I feel like all this time wed been going up the roller coaster track and all of a sudden the ground disappeared from under me. I got my stomach in my throat. My face is tense from fighting off the tears.

I'll come back later. Please talk to me someone!