A Huddle of Turtles

[zig]

Yikes guys - I had to go INTO the castle this evening, and guess what? I came out UNSCATHED!! not even one little scratch!!

I hope you guys are all gathered around because i am seriously toasting to this one.

s decided that he wanted to spend the day and evening there at in-laws, swimming and watching the olympics. something's wrong with out tv antenna and we can't get nbc !
in-laws were out for the evening, so i had to go over and hang out - until h got back from the airport!! (he was supposed to take s tomorrow but s wanted to be there tonight, he was dying to see h, i think)

s and i swam - and i broke the adult record (yes a tad bit of olympic fever here) for being the first adult to stand on a raft in the pool.(never tried it before!!) i seriously impressed s!! and this is me who couldn't swim a year and a half ago because my right arm couldn't move

boy was i psyched!! and then we both stood on the raft together!! double record!!

then we ate and lay on the couch watching the olympics. h walked in and i even landed up giving him dinner!! i teased him a bit and was totally relaxed. he was definitely very tense when he came in, but relaxed a bit later and all three of us sat on the couch together (not touching of course) and watched.

s told him that my tv wasn't functioning properly . he said - man you better get that fixed or you won't be able to watch the olympics!! i just didn't respond and later when i was getting ready to go - he says, s and i will come over and fix the antenna- gave him a beatific smile and said that would be so lovely.

on the way out the door - he follows me to tell me to be careful not to back into his truck.

wrf?

i turned around and gave him a bit of a look - slightly incredulous - and he says -was that the wrong thing to say? i just laughed and said thanks for the reminder.

frankly, all i could think was - this man can't find things to keep a negative image of me in his mind's eye - so he's grabbing for straws.

granted - about 5 yrs ago, when i was having a really bad day with the spasms and couldn't turn my neck and it was snowing, i did back into a car in that driveway and bung up their bumper!!

but [censored] - apart from that - i've never had a ticket or any kind of accident that i caused ever!! not to mention that h's truck that is only 3 yrs old has 3 serious huge dents in it that he caused himself!!

so i got in, and drove off! laughing and shaking my head!! i turned the radio on and there was the BEST upbeat blues i have heard in a long time - i turned it up so loud and i was so bloody happy it was ridiculous!! i was so glad to get out of there - i didn't even want to be there particularly - not in the negative way of oh he's just come back from seeing ow, how can i want to be near him sort of way.

it was more - i can be there or not be there and i'm great!!

well not that great- i bunged up my neck a bit in the pool - falling backwards and slapping my head on the water hard, so have a thumping head and sore neck - wasn't going to tell him that!!!

so off to get some peaceful z's and dream with a smile on my face. i think i will have the most peaceful night i've had yet.


oh and i had a thought today that just sort of blew my mind. it was while i was "thinking about wanting h back" and suddenly it hit me "zig - you think that you will be much happier if h comes back, but have you noticed that while he's away, you have had the happiest moments in your ENTIRE life, even from all the yrs before you met him?"

and i just stood there smiling and relishing what i had just become aware of - that because of all my inner work and growth and opening my heart to the world, i am ALREADY much much happier than i ever was. so my new goal is to just accept that for now and be fine with it.

hugs to everyone and i know i have several posts to respond to - will do so with my cup of tea in the morning

zig