WHG: And so we file...

[workinghardguy]

Thanks for checking in OLW.

Things are going ok... I'd say that's about it, ok. Been a hard couple of weeks. I've been pretty up and down, especially the last week. Depressed as well I think.

This weekend marks the time last year when everything started falling apart in fast motion. So I'm reliving all that stuff right now and it hurts. And put on top of that the D filing and my S really starting to express hurt and regret over this and it's just hard.

Trying to keep up my GAL, but my heart's barely in it right now. Next week a Meetup group is getting together again after a hiatus and I'm forcing myself to go. I know I'll be glad once I go, but right now it's just sort of... eh.

W came over last weekend for a bit. S hadn't seen her all week due to a day camp he was at and was really missing her. He called and asked if she would come see him. She did. She also brought her homework along and asked for my help. I had volunteered awhile ago to help her, particularly with math, if she needed it. I soul-searched for quite a while before doing that. She was appreciative and I was able to help her.

Haven't seen SS and SD much unfortunately. W's work schedule and summer mean they are largely somewhere else most of the time. That's getting really hard. I did get a whole day with SS though this past week when our youth group went to the EAA airshow and he came along.

W is camping this weekend with her "new friend" and taking the kids to waterparks. It's her friend's son's birthday and the whole family (son, dad, grandma, grandpa, my STBX, my SD, and my S) all went. W has repeatedly swore to me that her and her friend are just that... friends. Both divorcees going through divorce and are someone to hang out with.

If you remember for a few weeks she was randomly dropping by here to hang out because she was lonely and her friends had abandoned her. That's ended since she struck up this friendship.

I can't say I'm super-excited about it, but I don't really get a say so I'm just trying to focus on other stuff and my own life.

I had a date offer last week. Really it would've been more of a "hook up" I think than a date knowing the gal and the friend who set us up. I cancelled though... just didn't feel right. Still the idea of trying to do the whole introduction and kabuki dance just seems so exhausting. So I apologized to her and told her I just wasn't ready to go there yet.

I did buy a new vehicle. My six year old minivan was closing in on 150,000 miles, had a bad tranny, and the check engine light had come on. So it was time to replace it... and I decided to do a new, new car. I've never bought an actual new car in my life. My W always got the new car and I bought some used thing.

But I decided that down the road I really don't want to be "minivan dad" So I dumped for a relatively fuel-efficient SUV/crossover thing. I like it. And I splurged on the remote starting option for those Wisconsin winters (and lately the summers too!).

So... sorry if I feel a little downtrodden, guess I just am. Some days are better than others but all this stuff is just getting drug up now. I know it's only going to get worse before it gets better. We drove through the town where we took our last family holiday last August. September is the anniversory of the bomb drop, anniversary of our wedding, my dad's passing, and 9/11 all in a four-day period. Then Halloween, my birthday, and the holidays.

I know I'm supposed to be living in the present and not looking ahead. Take it one day at a time... just right now it all seems so... sad. I'll get over it, but I wish I would hurry up and do that already