lilly, Keep reading...keep GAL....set some goals. It gets a little easier as each day goes by. I used to absolutely obsess over where she was, what was she doing, what was she thinking, when was she going to call me wanting to work it out.
And I would read her to consider my marriage dead and i'd say thats impossible, its not what i want, i won't admit that. But as time has gone by ive come to realize that b/c of what has happened any relationship she and I have in the future will have to be built from the ground up so in some essence my old marraige is dead. I never thought i'd type that, but 6 weeks later here I am and I know right now you can't see how you'll ever really detach, how you can stop thinking of them constantly.
Although its not easy, one day you'll simply wake up and feel differently about it, and thats will be the day you wake up and know that you'll be ok either way. It certainly doesn't mean you'll wake up and want your marriage to work out any less, but you will finally realize that you have forgiven yourself for your mistakes and your role in the demise of your marriage. That you have grown as a person and have a lot of great qualities to offer someone, and if that someone is your spouse that would be awesome, but if the next relationship in your life is not with your current spouse that will be their great loss.
