But after DB and seeing so much and accepting so much of my role and also slowly turning the passive aggressiveness into released compassion, it has only been since then did I start to feel better. Acting as if is hard, but at the end of the day, I can sleep better.
galing can be challenging ( and I still don't do enough of it), but it makes a difference in how we perceive our days...how we approach our days.
None of the other stuff pre-db, ever made me feel better. In fact it deteriorated my self- esteem, confidence and I really felt like a failure. None of the other stuff ever made me feel like I had some control over what seemed like a life that was spiralling out of control.
busting, something that has hit me that you said, acting "as if" is hard but at at the end of the day, I can sleep better. In those moments of emotional turmoil, if I can turn them around by taking a timeout for myself and not confronting H and his family that will serve me so much better than trying to tell them all off for my own personal satisfaction. It doesn't feel better later. And if I can be happy and playful while around H, I can see how that will change his attitude about me. He sees me as nothing but an angry woman who he thinks probably hates him right now... who wants to stay married to that?
You're right, it does make you feel like you're losing control. And everything around you starts to feel like it's falling to pieces. As I look back I can see how very true this is. You've come so far, busting, and everything you said makes perfect sense. Thank you so much for posting to me. It helps a lot!
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
