A Huddle of Turtles

[zig]

thanks Busting for replying - we all carry so much pain within ourselves at such deep levels. when i try to really LOOK at that, removing myself from the picture, it is not so difficult then to see how the WAS's use their pain to propel them in the direction they are going in.

Then we have our own, and for a long while we use our pain to cling on, because we aren't ready either to start facing our own stuff. then comes the place where this happens for us:

I have learned that in order to not be alone, I have my own work to do

and then this

work to accept that this is is my journey now


and then we can face that lonliness that just maybe comes from the fear of not knowing?

that feeling of being left behind - i wonder if it is just a way for our minds to still cling in some little way. what is "behind" about the situation for us? to look at it in that way is so self-impeding, if one thinks about tit.

left behind, as if we are not capable of taking our own steps forward..

left behind, as if we were stopped in our tracks because of anothers' decision and actions..

I felt "left behind" for months, kept seeing him as really moving forward with his life - or it seemed that way to me, and it sort of freaked me out because i felt so paralyzed myself within , as if i couldn't take a step myself.

and then only just a while ago i found myself changing that attitude - and stopped keeping that picture in my mind. I started changing it more to us walking far apart, but both of us moving along, just not next to each other right now. and then a strange thing happened - i started to see how I was the one who was moving forward - at an incredible pace, and to me he seemed to be the one who was stuck and paralyzed .

so busting - i found that the picture i had in my mind's eye - could completely determine the direction of where i was going. changing it started to change the way i felt about the whole thing.