is this the end....trying not to give up

[strongerthanever]

What if it was a friend's mail? Would you ask yourself the same question?

[Cadet]

Some of H's mail was there (among the mail i picked up), do i ignore that or email him to let him know?

I would not e-mail him, if the mail is important then have it forwarded, or is there any other way to get it to him without seeing him?

[tonibertha]

I don't have his address. I guess if the mail is important, he would contact the neighbour and she can tell him she gave them to me. i just dont want to look as tho i'm holding onto it for some reason.

Next time he makes contact i will let him know about it.

[tonibertha]

Thot i'd journal a bit...

So my mum has been here almost two weeks. Its funny, i remember how much i looked forward to her visit as i'd have loads of opportunity to GAL, but i've not been doing much of that..

Went to see 'Think like a man on Monday evening by myself'. Loved it so much i ordered the book. It doesn't seem like it would be relevant to the current sitch, but I guess, if i started dating again...

Which I think i would do, if I met the right person. Cos i've been working on letting go of H and our marriage, and i think i'm starting to make some progress with that, especially since we have no contact these days. Looking back on the marriage, I have two regrets:

- That i didn't start posting here early enough (while we still lived together). If i had, maybe my marriage would have been saved.

- That i stayed so long, even as he continued to ignore my boundaries (the main one being his not coming home at night)

I have almost succeeded in forgiving myself for everything else (being controlling as he called me, lashing out at him verbally, calling his mum to complain in hope that she would speak some sense into him, not being fully 'there' when i was pregnant due to the fact that i was so sick, etc). I am working on letting go of H and forgiving him now, but I am finding that really difficult.


ATM, my mum is not talking to me. We had an incident a couple of nights ago where i got really angry at her and called her 'wicked'. She's been ignoring me since then, only responding to my greetings. She called my sis to complain yesterday, and my sis called and spoke to me (i was still quite angry). So when i got home yesterday, i apologised and she ignored me. Reminds me how she used to give my dad the silent treatment, which HE couldn't handle. Since i've apologised, i feel at peace with the situation. If she chooses not to talk to me, that's fine with me. i had enough practice with H. At least i don't have to listen to her complaining about H's behaviour and putting him down. That's all we ever tak about, so the silence is welcome...

[Cadet]

Looking back on the marriage, I have two regrets:

- That i didn't start posting here early enough (while we still lived together). If i had, maybe my marriage would have been saved.

- That i stayed so long, even as he continued to ignore my boundaries (the main one being his not coming home at night)

I have almost succeeded in forgiving myself for everything else (being controlling as he called me, lashing out at him verbally, calling his mum to complain in hope that she would speak some sense into him, not being fully 'there' when i was pregnant due to the fact that i was so sick, etc). I am working on letting go of H and forgiving him now, but I am finding that really difficult.

Just realize that nothing you could have DONE would have changed this outcome.
You did not break him and you can not fix him.
Good job foregiving yourself for those things that you did do.
We all make mistakes and no one is perfect.
You do the best that you can do with what life presents you.
You just must have faith that everything will work out the way it is suppose too.

You can CONTROL you and no one else.

So when i got home yesterday, i apologised and she ignored me. Reminds me how she used to give my dad the silent treatment, which HE couldn't handle. Since i've apologised, i feel at peace with the situation.

Good job I too am glad you apologised.
Now let it go and see what happens.

[tonibertha]

So, my mum and i started talking again. I have been spending a lot of money recently to prepare DD for her trip to stay with her grandparents. My mum thinks i shld pursue H for child support legally. I realised i'm kinda supporting him financially by letting him get away with not supporting his child.

I've decided to involve the Child Support agency on Monday. My mum thot it would be a good idea to ask him for the child support first.

So i sent this email to H yesterday:

"what is the plan with dd's money? you haven't sent her money for the past four month. may i ask why?"

H has not yet replied. i'm a bit embarrassed by the wording of my email. i think i shld/could have done much better. Part of me worried about H seeing this as pursuing behaviour, but that is his problem. this is about getting child support for DD (i've been borrowing a lot).

I was planning to call child support tomorrow, but i'll give him up to wednesday to reply?

[tonibertha]

H's reply

'Lack of work, u will get this month and I'll cover the months instalmentally, sorry, how r u?'

i'm thinking of just replying 'Ok, thanks. I'm good'

i hope i'll really get the money as he has said. guess i'll have to wait till the end of the month to find out...

[tonibertha]

thinking
'ok thanks. glad things have been sorted out. i'm good'
will be a more suitable reply as it shows concern (which i really don't feel, unfortunately)

[Cadet]

i'm thinking of just replying 'Ok, thanks. I'm good'

My .02 is that I would use this reply.

The thanks you are greatful for if he follows through with the money.

It is short and to the point.

Which is perfect.

[tonibertha]

Havent posted in a while....
 
Been very busy shopping for DD's trip, and trying to study for an exam i've got in 3 weeks.
 
But i find that lately, H has been on my mind a lot...
 
I know I shouldn't, but i've looked on his facebook page a few times. So far, there hae been 2 pictures of him with a woman. i think they're dating. This is not the OW that broke my marriage, but a different one. I guess he sees himself as single now. I'm beginning to have regrets about not meeting up with him earlier in the year (it just feels weird to me that we have not seen each other in 9 months). But then, the last time he asked to meet up, i agreed for the first time, and he did nothing about it.
 
DD travels in a week. The plan is that she'll be gone till next July. I was hoping H would try to see her before she leaves, but I don't think that's going to happen. He doesn't know she's leaving, anyway...
 
I've met a couple of guys while i've been out GAL. I'm not attracted to any of them, but I find that the attention scares me. I know this seems silly, but i'm scared to meet someone that I'd be attracted to: 1) moving on with anyone now will make it harder to R. 2)  it will feel like cheating, and I'm not that person...
 
Is there anyone here that has no contact with their WAS? What do you do in such a sitch? Just give up?