A Huddle of Turtles

[bustingout]

Always zig-I felt that way growing up ( I don't know why, but I had a very hard time feeling like I fit in anywhere--- it might have been because I was living in the states for awhile, then Egypt, then finally sudan), so a part of me has always felt a little like an outsider looking in.

And another part of that loneliness also stems from my own parents divorce. I again felt like something was missing from deep within me like I was always looking for something to fill that.

More recently, the loneliness stems from feeling left behind again, first by my dad and now by H. It sometimes makes me feel that I am not meant to walk with someone, but that I am meant to walk alone. With only me having my back.

I don't want this to sound like self pity, I am just trying to explain how and why I do feel lonelily. Sometimes I know I really am. I am alone in my house now without a friend or partner. I am alone making decisions for my children, I am alone in a country that is not mine.

But like you I work to accept that this is is my journey now. I wasn't alone for awhile, when things between H and I were better, and I have learned that in order to not be alone, I have my own work to do. I was obviously bad at relationships.