TVS..A little like Russell Crowe, and not at all like Hugh Jackman (I believe Hugh Jackman is as gorgeous as he looks in real life). Actually I think my H relates to Charlie Sheen's character in Two and and Half Men..heaven help me.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Hello RH, thanks for asking..well H was eager for me to play golf so we could do something together now that our kids are older. He organised lessons for me. We were doing it together a little before the bomb drop 3 months ago. Now I play with a girlfriend as H is opposed to doing anything much with me.
Things were positive on the weekend. Now that he's back at work he's been Oscar again. He has a high pressure job where he works nights..gets home around 3 am and then doesn't sleep much. After 25years of it, the stress is what has brought on the MLC/depression for sure. We talked today about the possibility of him taking a redundancy and trying to do something else. I'm agreeable to it, even though its scary. I know things could improve a lot. I kinda think it was an opportunity to go in the back door about the depression thing too, rather than come right out and say it "again". I've planted the seed in the past and I know I can't afford to be direct about it again yet. Could backfire.
It was a good talk but there was no talk about a future together, however no more D talk for a while now either. I take all these little things as a step forward. I did notice when I touched him, he pulled away. Ouch that hurts.
It does sound like your H is depressed. Must be really hard to watch someone you love go through that. When my H was depressed I was too wrapped up in myself to even notice. Just thought he'd snap out of it.
Has the DR section on depressed spouses been any help? I haven't read that section.
What's a redundancy? Like a sabbatical?
Do you enjoy the golf with your GF? It seems like it would be relaxing & a good time to talk.
How painful when H recoils from your touch! I think they react that way to us because they have so many of their own issues they are dealing with. As if love was so complicated! It seems to me it's all the other garbage in life that complicates love.
I would agree no D talk is a step forward. Sounds like you are really self-controlled and good at not initiating R talks. That's so important to not pressure him and it sounds like you've got a handle on letting him be.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Glad you are getting out and golfing, with or without H. I say you practice up, and who knows, maybe you'll get really good and kick his butt during a match one day. How awesome would that be????
It does hurt when they act like they can't stand for us to touch them. Months ago when I still attempted to give my H hugs or kisses, he was soooo cold. He would stiffen up for hugs, not returning them. If I went to kiss him, he would turn his cheek. Mean.
Now, I am working on little ways to be affectionate. An arm pat here, a little rub on the back there. He has been very receptive to this, even initiating the same type of affection at times. I try not to think about the fact that my H hasn't kissed me in six months
Sounds like your H's work sitch is tough, but he also has to figure that out for himself. We all have stress (hello... Especially the LBS!), and have to learn how to deal with it. All these things he is trying will not change his job. Guess he has to figure that one out himself.
Hang in there, as always, and hope you have a good weekend
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
RH A redundancy is when a company is downsizing and getting rid of staff. They usually offer a sum of money to employees who choose to leave the firm. Its not a huge amount of money but it helps for a while until (hopefully) another offer comes along. Its a tough thing to do in this economy, but I would really like to see him leave the job. It was a great job until 2 years ago, but it is really screwing with him these days. It won't be the answer to everything, but it would go a long way to help. We have never lived a "normal" life with our kids growing up with him working weekends and nights. We have spent a lot of time without him. I just wanted him to know that he has my support if that's what he wants.
Hope you guys enjoy your weekends too..you guys both amaze me with your resilience. Its a tough time and I think you both have it harder than me, so I do appreciate your kindness in the face of all your going through.
