Wow, what a difference a few hours makes. I finished up work early, decided to hit the grocery store, but thought I'd grab a late lunch and a beer at our local pub first.
Low and behold, my wife is there, with two guys that were her lunch meeting from 11:30am....it was 3:30pm. The one guy was already gone and the other was walking out the door. W introduced me to him as her H, but I could tell they had all been drinking for a while. The tab on the table was $100, and was all drinks. She told me that this was actually the 2nd tab...the first one was $200. W went on to say she had maybe 5-6 beers, but the guys were doing shots, and even went to the car to smoke some pot at one point. Personally, I do not do shots at a business meeting...but maybe that's just me.
I told my wife I was very uncomfortable and she shook it off....why? she says. I tried not to press, but it made me feel uncomfortable that she was drinking for 3-4 hours with some guys I didn't know. She responds, "just trying to close the deal." At this point she gets up and says she has to drop some stuff off, and I ask her if she wants to stick around for a couple of waters. She says no and bails.
Then, I see a guy we know there and he asks me, "are you guys separated?" And I'm like "no, why?" He was pretty broken up about it, but eventually told me some of what he overheard. He said, husband to husband, it's way out of bounds. The wait staff knows me and basically agreed...it was awkward for everyone. There was some hand to thigh and discussion of sex to keep it short and sweet. And this is my hangout...this is where I like to go for beers...of all the places, why did she pick this place? I'm pretty sure it was intentional....I even asked her if it was before she left the restaurant (she said no of course).
I went ahead and went to the grocery store shortly thereafter and came home. W was there and I asked her about it...I was clearly upset. She had enough to drink that she just exploded with anger. At one point, I grabbed her phone (yes, that was wrong). She's attached to that thing at the hip. I saw that she told OM "I love you I love you I love you" and that was enough for me. I gave her the phone back and she left.
I decided it was time to enlighten all parties so I called OM's W. She and I have basically been in the same place for years. We've both seen inappropriate behaviors and have blamed them on ourselves. She let me know that she had left OM a few weeks ago, so everything looks a bit convenient.
W came back a few hours later and said I had sealed my fate by calling OM's W. She was so angry she could barely talk. She packed up a bunch of her clothes and said she'd get the kids next week.
Serious failing on my part in the approach....but her texting OM "I love you" is out of bounds. She's been disrespecting me like this for years and I think I'm finally to the point where I can see it calmly, not blame my own insecurities, and say "no more."
We'll see what tomorrow brings....but I do think we're probably done, at least for the short term. Maybe a few months will change things, but I'm not willing to continue like this. I have made my share of mistakes, but I own them, and am becoming who I want to be. I am not blaming my parents, or my W, or whoever for my actions. This is where she's at, and I'm no longer to take the blame for her bad behavior.
